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Lost my partner 5 months ago and its 10 years since i lost my dad today

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Darren, Jul 13, 2019.

  1. Darren

    Darren New Member

    I lost my dad to cancer 10 years ago. We were never a particularly close family and I dealt with the grief and I rarely think of my dad these days although I have been thinking about him today.

    My partner of 9 years was taken into hospital at the end of last year and spent a month fighting for her life with lung damage caused by the flu. She finally passed away in february in the arms of myself, her best friend her dad and aunt. She was intubated immediately on being admitted to hospital so in all the time she was in hospital i was never able to communicate with her beyond a few nods or shakes of the head.

    She was 45 years old and previously in good health. I struggle every day with the loss and at the moment I am finding it particularly difficult as normality kicks in following the initial shock and I am left feeling very alone and not wanting to do many of the things i previously enjoyed doing - even those things which I did on my own.
     
  2. Julien

    Julien Well-Known Member

    Hey Darren,
    You are in good company with many of us here as we struggle to make sense of things and manage to feed ourselves and sleep, etc.
    It sounds like now two very important people to you have passed. I too have thought of my grandmother often who loved me too lately. It has been nearly a year for me so I can surely look back and empathize with where you are at five months. With this grief process, it seems that a couple of months can have us in a different place.
    I certainly don't have all the answers but would encourage you to let yourself cry since it really is all there is that stands a chance to give relief.
    Do you have grief counseling groups where you are that you might attend some?
     
  3. Darren

    Darren New Member

    thanks for replying and for the advice. I do still cry sometimes. I also try to talk to Traci's friends and family about her but sadly she had few friends and wasn't close to much of her family (her sister being the exception). I did consider looking for some counseling groups. I thought i was doing ok for a while - it's more recently its become difficult again. I will think about that some more.
     
  4. Julien

    Julien Well-Known Member

    Well again, it's coming up a year for me and our dentist asked how I was doing after fixing my chipped tooth. He said "I know it's very hard" . Guess I had hoped somehow he didn't know about it and we could pretend it didn't happen. So when he kindly asked, I could not contain myself to even get out an answer. I just left. So, sadly my Ted's few friends had passed already (he had much older friends) and just someone who knew him such as a dentist brought this forth. So, Darren, it looks like maybe something will eventually get you to release your tears and find some relief from your sadness. Seems like after I have been feeling down a few days that this is when it happens. There is much sadness about your wife having to get so sick and to cope with the intubation. (My husband had that and visits were almost like I wasn't there as they had him on strong meds to keep him asleep so he wouldn't pull it out). I had experienced this in the past with him briefly but the last time was 9 days. The unexpectedness of it mixed with our inexpressible feelings almost is I guess a profound shock. Then as you say you begin to regain the reality. Then you go around like nothing is worth doing. I know! I think it shows the depth of your love. There is a website called widow411 that seems to help me some. There is a blog she writes with articles of what she went through as a young widow. Though I'm 62, it was helpful. Might be something in it for you too. Express what you want to say here like you are. I think you articulate it so well. Not sure that I do:)