Lost my one and only best friend...

It's been about 4 years now since I lost the only person I truly considered my best friend. We had only been friends for 2 years before his murder happened. Not even a few months after he moved states away, to work with his family, his life was over. Shot down in cold blood in a recreational park. His death was the 30th murder for the year of 2017 for the city of Macon, Georgia. Myself and his family only found about his death right before Christmas. Prior to that he was reported missing on the 19th.

I can barely go a day without thinking of him, though my grieving feelings have not changed a bit since I first found out. If I drive past the old house he grew up in I get flashbacks of all the times we spent together. I get seriously worked up when I think about him and how cruel the world is to let something like this happen. I just don't know what to do. He filled all the holes I have in my life, a best friend, a brother, someone who genuinely cared about me and took an interest in me.

I just don't know what to do. This time of year around his death as well as his birthday trigger me a lot and I have little to no coping skills with this sort of thing. I have experienced death of a loved one before this, also in a tragic way, but this is something on a whole other level for me. 4 years since he's been gone and it all feels like a single day when I think back on when I first heard the news of his death. It lingers and lingers and I can't seem to make any progress yet.

Any feedback is appreciated greatly!

 

Hi... First of all I'm deeply sorrowed by your story. We all are, by our own stories, in fact.
Your friend might had been through pains that caused the end of his life but I tell you what, he's now sleeping peacefully without feeling sadness, frustration, pains etc.

Now this thing that is called grief, really sucks. I want you to know that you are not alone. I am here, we are here for each other, if you allow it.
I joined this support group because I want to be able to help people who are grieving like me and to reach out for the help of others as well. We all grieve in different ways, there's no right way or wrong way to do it. Some people may feel numb, others cry.

I lost my beloved uncle - who was my bedrock - just a week ago, November 23, 2020 to brain cancer. I felt numb and wasn't able to cry at all. I can tell that I was the one who took his passing the hardest, but of course I need to stand up and make plans for my life too. My papa (uncle) wouldn't want me to succumb in grief anyways.

If you are a Christian, pray. If you're not, try meditation, some breathing exercises and relaxation may help. If you need someone to talk to I'm here or anybody else in this group.