Hi alone, to start I want to extend my condolences to all on this site. While it is a wonderful tool, it is never easy reading all of the tragic stories of loss. My mother passed away on Nov 28th, 2018. I was 24, only months away from getting married and at our peak of our relationship. My mom has also been my absolute number one. I have a tumultuous relationship with my older sister, she had the same with our mother. My dad is fantastic, but respectfully not the emotional or empathetic kind. In his words "your mom was so much better at it I never thought I would need to". Because of these relationships I am often left feeling so so so incredibly alone. My husband and friends are always there but to explain such deep pain and honestly fear that doesnt make sense until you experience it is difficult. I am the only one I know that has lost their mother (I have all grandparents). She passed away from a combination of alcohol and pills. Now to make it worse and more upsetting, we always knew she battled with alcoholism, but she over the course of years fought it and traveled the world, made great friends, was incredibly active in my life, etc. The pills were a complete shock and I still struggle to understand it because it was NEVER something that we worried about- my sister had a suicide episode with pills when she was in high school and from that forward pills have ABSOLUTELY never been used in our family, truly we dont even have advil even years later. I know my mom, we spoke everyday, and putting the dots together I am now coming to terms that it may have been suicide. I was just hoping to use this as a way to talk to anyone that has a lost a mother at my age so I can feel less alone in this terrible journey. Id love to also be an asset to anyone that needs a friend as well. This has altered my being forever, I still cry everyday, think about her every minute and do my best to get counseling and therapy. But I will always want my mom
Hi Kaitlyn, I know how you feel, alone. I have so much support with family and friends, but none have experienced my loss! They try and I appreciate it. But they just don’t understand. Their words are sweet and loving but they fall short. For me at least. I don’t have anyone that I can talk to that feels the same way I do. I often feel like everyone is okay, and I’m just breaking apart in front of everyone and I feel that no one sees me. No one understands. My mom had lung cancer. My mom was an alcoholic she drank every day. Then she Got hepatitis C and hemachromatosis and she quit. She was a fighter. She smoked for 40 years and then she quit. She had enough. 7 months after she quit smoking she was diagnosed with lung cancer small cell. The worst kind. She over came her addictions but in the end it didn’t matter. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is never easy. I grief everyday. My mom was my best friend. I have been pushing my loved ones away. Unintentionally of course. My Dad also doesn’t know how to be there like mom did. And that hurts too. But I know he isn’t her and can never be her. But it still hurts. I think I have forgotten how to feel and love. The pain, the hurt, the anger is sometimes unbearable. I hope things get better for you soon.
