I lost my beloved mother on April 24. My mother had a series of complex health issues that included COPD, a paralyzed diaphragm, which adversely impacted her quality of life over time. During her last year, her kidneys becames unstable and she needed to undergo daily dialysis. My mother was independent all of her life and she accepted the challenges that faced her. In the last couple of months, my mother was repeatedly admitted to the hospital, with a series of unsuccessful discharges. It was very difficult to watch my mother's condition regress, though I didn't want to believe that she was dying. She wasn't terminal. I thought that my mother just needed to change some of her lifestyle habits, in order to improve her daily quality of life. She was overweight, so I thought that perhaps I could assist with getting her the groceries that could assist with the additional weight that she was carrying. After all, her COPD could not be cured, but I thought that if she lost weight, it would lessen the burden that it was having on her mobility. And, as she was now on dialysis, I thought that it was just about her becoming compliant to a new regimen. We met with the dietician and discussed her options. And, I thought that I could get my mother her groceries and assist with meal preparation. After all, now on dialysis, it was causing her to feel exhaustion and so she no longer seemed to have the energy to prepare her own meals. This is a woman who hosted large dinners, was a phenomenal cook and now she didn't have the energy to make her own meals. And, she didn't complain. She never once cried in my presence, as she regressed. While in the hospital, she was asking me to provide her with her credit cards because she was concerned that as she was in the hospital, that her bills may have been left unpaid. My mother diligently took care of all of her responsibilities. And, I did my little bit to get her the groceries. Her last unsuccessful discharge was on April 18. The hospital said that she was ready. My mother could walk with her walker about 10 feet before she experienced shortness of breath. And, they said that she was ready to be discharged. My mother needed daily dialysis, 6 days a week. This meant that she would need to walk from her apartment to the front door, where the transport company would pick her up for her treatment. This was far more than 10 feet. When she came home on Saturday, she experienced a fall the first night. She struggled when she needed to transfer from the toilet to her walker. She could not find the strength to stand up. She NEVER had that problem. It turned out that due to the extended stays in the hospital, her leg muscles wasted away, she did not have strength. Back to the hospital on Tuesday April 21, to emergency. It is COVID, so I was there with my mother as she registered, though I could not go in with her. The Dr called who examined her this time told me of the atrophy and said that it may be possible to send my mother to rehab. Though he said that it could be a long process, if she built her strength in her legs, this could assist her back to independence. After all, during the last couple of weeks, I was trying to access additional homecare services to assist my mother throughout the week. If my mother could not bear weight, she would then need 24 hour support. My 78 year old beloved mother. I thought that though many of my mother's conditions were incurable, that if she had the willingness to comply to the rehabilitation that she had a chance to recover and be independent. I could not accept that possibly my mother was not ready to comply. I could not accept that possibly my mother just had enough. I couldn't imagine living without my mother. But she never complained. During her last hospital visit she experienced discomfort in her stomach. The hospital treated the symptoms with Hydromorphone, this pain continued throughout the week. The hospital did not catch that maybe there was something more sinister brewing. My mother was in the ICU on Friday, with a massive heart attack. I lost my mother shortly after. My grief is overwhelming. My mother was a wonderful person, though the burden I carry is not knowing how much she knew how much I loved her and always will. I talked with my mother daily, she was my sounding board, my rock. She was the glue that held our family together. And, she put up with me for several years. Though I suppose my mother loved me no matter what, I have a hard time believing that I did anything to deserve such a great mother. I miss my mother so much and I don't know how I am going to get through this. I need to know that someone out there has an idea what I am talking about.