Lost my mom, then my hubby

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Charleesgrace, Jun 5, 2020.

  1. Charleesgrace

    Charleesgrace New Member

    Hi,
    I'm Annette. I'm having one of these isolated lonely days. My mom passed away May 2018 multiple myeloma. Right before she passed away she told me one day she thought my husband was ill because he didn't look good. She was right. My hubby passed Dec. 17 2019 a week before his 63rd birthday. This grief has been terrible. My last doctors visit I was told I need counseling. I do not leave the house for days and sometimes I ignore my phone. I just get in this mood where I'm tired of being sad and feel others are tired of it too. I was a primary caregiver with my mom. Sole caregiver for my hubby. I married Thomas very young and feel lost as we were such a twosome. I dont know what else to say..I've seen the ravages of cancer up close and personal. I feel these 2 understood me better than anyone and offered unconditional love. Any suggestions. Thanks
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Annette,
    I am so sorry for your losses. I know how it feels to lose your husband, I lost my husband suddenly 18 months ago, to a massive heart attack. Took him from me in two hours and I went into shock. He was healthy as far as we knew. But to lose your Mom and then your husband within 19 months, I can’t even imagine. My heart breaks for you. It’s so much all at once, you’re still mourning your Mom and then your husband.
    I don’t have any magic answer, but I know this site has been very helpful to me. I didn’t find this site until it was 11 months since Ron passed, and I was not in a good place at all. It helps knowing you’re not alone in how much pain you feel, the never ending loneliness, the foggy brain. We know and understand. My husband was 63, we’ve been together since I was 16 and he was 19. Married 41 years, yesterday would have been our 43rd anniversary. We were together 24/7, I’ve never lived alone before. But what helps me the most is trying to stay busy, keep my mind busy even if it’s little things, and getting out of the house, go outside, breathe in fresh air, try to get your blood flowing. It’s only been 7 months since you lost your husband and that’s on top of losing your Mom. This site has helped me immensely, I’m hoping it will do the same for you. Keep posting reading and sharing,
    However if your doctor recommends you see a counselor, maybe that’s the path you need to take.
    There are better days ahead, it takes time.
    Robin
     
  3. Charleesgrace

    Charleesgrace New Member

    Robin,
    Thank you for your kind words. I went and visited him today, I believe it may be helping my healing. I'm sorry for your loss as well.
    I like this site. Haven't done a lot on it yet. Just read a great article about feeling 'Lazy' during grieving. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
    Well wishes for you.
    Annette
     
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you Annette,
    I’m glad you think the visit might have helped you some. Whatever might feel right or possibly help, that’s the right thing to do. Some days for me it was sitting with my dog or being outside with him.
    I hope you have family and friends offering you support, or just having a cup of coffee with you. Having people around is helpful.
    I also read that article about feeling lazy. I agree it was great. I’ve had a lack of motivation, so it helpful.
    You are definitely not alone. We all have the same feelings, and understand the pain.
    There’s a whole community of people on this site who feel all the same emotions.
    Take care of you.
    Robin
     
  5. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I totally feel your pain. I was the same caregiver as you were for your husband and mom to my husband and mom. I lost them and a beloved white boxer 2 1/2 mos apart. Mom and Maggie were 4 days apart. I fired my online counselor. Let me know if you find a good one. I had to go back to work 3 days a week so far, because I can't lose my insurance. Still have house and car payments to make. Gonna be close....not much life ins because of all the health issues. Final issue was liver cancer we didn't find soon enough. My husband was also 63. We were married just shy of 10 yrs. I count the anniversary because we are still married....I too am so tired of being alone, depressed, anxiety, and today anger has popped up. Not at Mom or Jerry or Maggie, but at being so alone....and now covid....wonderful. Making it even more intolerable. I don't have any family left and what's left on his side don't care about me. Haven't heard a word out of them..... I wish I could offer you some suggestions...I really do but I can't even find them for myself. I'm just a robot performing regular duties everyday that have to be done. I do have 4 other dogs that are my life tho.