Lost my husband to cancer.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Mariagace86, Apr 15, 2020.

  1. Lostinpa

    Lostinpa New Member

    I feel same way.met husband when I was 17 now 42 and feel so alone and afraid
     
  2. Mariagace86

    Mariagace86 Member

    Today I just want to talk to anyine who will listen. It is just one of those days where the grief wave comes crashing down out of nowhere! I wanna scream, cry, kick or punch something! I feel so alone. In my mind I try to think of the perfect person in my life to go and talk to about how I am feeling and even though I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends, no one is good enough, because the one person I wish to talk to is gone and he is never coming back! I feel sad, angry, depressed, lonely, anxious, scared. I just need a big hug and kiss from my husband. I feel like the last 4 months I have been in zombie mode. Nothing makes sense anymore. I want to understand why this happened. Why him? Why so young? Why me? Why us? I miss laugh, his voice when he sang, gosh I miss the loudness of his trumpet playing that drove me crazy! I just miss him so much!
     
  3. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Maria, so sorry for your loss. So young, no matter what the age we feel cheated of the time we would've have wanted for them and for us. It's hard to reconcile this in your brain. I know I walk around my house thinking he should be here enjoying a summer day or petting his dog, just enjoying life.

    Be easy on yourself, it will get better. I know that sounds so cliche, and impossible. At the beginning I thought I just wanted to die I really couldn't see life without him, and yes there are days I still feel that way. But there are moments that I do find myself happy, visits from friends, looking at the tomatoes starting to grow (he was the gardener) I think he'd be proud of my mini garden.

    Your husband fought for life, mine did too he did close to 5 years of in/out hospitalizations and when he was in it was grueling. He fought for life, he'd want me to fight for life, I look to find purpose in that.

    No matter when they're taken, it's always too soon.