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Lost My Husband Suddenly

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by maryjolyn, Jan 9, 2021.

  1. maryjolyn

    maryjolyn Member

    Hi everyone,
    I just joined the group and I hope and pray someone here can help me try to find some comfort. I lost my husband of 34 years on October 28, 2020 to a tragic car accident. He was 54 years old and his birthday was on on January 7. I am so devastated and I don't know how to live my life without him being here on this earth. I keep reliving that night the medical examiner called me and told me he had lost his life in the accident. That morning he left for work and we told each other we love each other which was normal and I had no idea I wouldn't see my husband again. We have 3 adult children and they are devastated as well. I don't know what to do and I have cried so many tears. This sudden change in my life has left me feeling lifeless as if part of me is gone. I think about him everyday all day and my heart is shattered into a thousand pieces. I feel so alone even when I am around people and I am now afraid to be alone. I just feel like I need to see him or hear his voice. I don't know how to move forward with my life. I loved him so much and I am still asking myself what happened and how did we got here. Please anyone that understand what I am going through please post so I can see what others are doing to get through this horrific time in their life.
     
    Laura Dee, Iboswidow and JMD like this.
  2. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Hi, I lost the love of my life to cancer on October 2019 and it’s still so lonely and I long for him every day. I can’t say it will get better but I try to just find things to do every day to keep my mind busy and thinking on something else. I still cry almost every day but I pick myself up and keep going. Just take it one day at a time , breathe and don’t put any pressure on yourself. It’s okay to cry that’s what everyone tells me cuz u have to get your emotions out some how. There are wonderful people here on this site that will help and listen plus it helps to talk to someone that has or is going the same things. Makes you feel like you aren’t crazy. Talk anytime someone is alway listening. God bless Cora
     
    JMD likes this.
  3. KVR

    KVR Active Member

    I am sorry for your pain and loss. There are no words other than these to start. I lost my husband a little over a year ago. We were together for 30 years, married for 25. He was 53 when he died, and it was sudden, a heart attack at work. Like you, the morning was ordinary. It was one week after we returned from celebrating our anniversary. That trip was a good bye trip, I know now. We have two children, 17 and 22. A year feels like a long time, but the first year is very difficult. You are in the beginning of a long journey that is both unique and universal --everyone on this site has a similar journey.

    My solace to you at this moment is that if you were married for 34 years and still said I love you up to the day of his death, then you are a warrior with a strong heart. There is no greater gift than this love and eventually you will find that your husband is still apart of you-- in how you breathe, how you see, how you embrace and comfort your children, how you approach this strange new task of survival. He is and will be your strength as you need him, you must trust that you can rely on this eternal love to carry you through this difficult stage. Allow the tears and anger to ride through you, as they will create a new pathway in your soul, a new understanding of just how strong you are will reveal itself soon. You are alone and not alone. He is gone and not gone. That is love. It is invisible and inside you all the time.
     
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  4. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    You are not alone. There are many of us who are on this journey that we don't want to be on. I lost my husband in July to treatment complications of lung cancer. He died at 59. I do not know how I have lived this long without him, we were each others' lives. I love him and miss him so much. I have had many of the same feelings that you write here - shock, crying more than I thought I ever could, feeling like there is a giant hole in my life....I also felt afraid to be alone in the world. I wish I could take this away from all of us. I can only say that I am moving through this new life, one that I don't really want, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. That's all I can do. I talk about him whenever I can. I do things that we would do together. I talk to him daily - and I continue to pray for peace and comfort for all of us. Keep posting, it helps.
    I love this post - it really helped me to hear your perspective that if we were still saying 'I love you' after many years together, we had a gift that will carry on. Michael and I were childhood sweethearts who reconnected in our early 40s. We said we loved each other many times a day, and knew we were reconnected for a reason, and were lucky for it. We held hands all of the time, we did everything together. Many people have said that they wished they had what we did. I keep him with me in everything I do. Thanks for your thoughtful post. God bless you, I will pray for all of us to have peace and comfort along the way.
     
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  5. maryjolyn

    maryjolyn Member

    I am so sorry for your loss and thank you so much for your kind words. Yes it does make me feel better to talk to people who are going through the same thing or have been through it because they understand what we are going through.
     
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  6. maryjolyn

    maryjolyn Member

    Yes we are warriors and I am so sorry for your loss. It is so wonderful to have found this site. We loved our partners to the very end and we still love them to eternity but the pain I feel sometimes is unbearable but since I have found this site I know I can put my thoughts and feelings on here because you guys understand.
     
  7. maryjolyn

    maryjolyn Member

    You have such a beautiful story and I am so sorry for your loss. You were truly blessed to find each other again and live out your journey of love.
     
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  8. RichNKatie4Ever

    RichNKatie4Ever New Member

    Hi, I just wanted to say that I just lost my husband, Richard, suddenly on January 6, 2021. He passed away in my arms, as I tried to save his life, because his heart gave out on him, after having a seizure right in front of me. I am so devastated by this pain and sadness that has now become a part of my life and the loneliness I feel is so unbearable too. I am 32 years old and Richard was 39. We were together/married almost half my life, 15 years and not a moment goes by now that I am not thinking about him and how much we loved each other. We told each other we loved each other everyday! I wake up in my bed when I do find ways to get sleep and I look over and I don't see him anymore. The emptiness I now feel is unimaginable...I no longer look forward to my future and I am terrified of how I'm possibly going to move forward at all...I had a dream about him a few days ago where he asked me, "Katie, what happened to me? How did I pass away?" He asked me this question, but he had a sense of peace and smile on his face. I told him, "Baby, God saw that your heart was tired and took you home! I love you and miss you so much, though!" And then he looked into my eyes and smiled and said, "Katie, I love you so much and miss you too, but I'm still here with you, baby!" And then I woke up...this has been the only bit of comfort I have had so far...my heart is shattered still....I don't want to keep telling myself that this is my life now, but the reality of it is that he isn't physically coming back....I'm so lost without him!!
     
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  9. msaxena123

    msaxena123 New Member

     
  10. msaxena123

    msaxena123 New Member

    Hello
    I have also Lost my love to brain cancer on 28 dec,2020. I am a single mom now to a 6 year old and dealing with immense stress, pain and sorrow.I am devastated. Hope you and myself find some comfort through the site.

    please take care
    MSaxena
     
    maryjolyn likes this.
  11. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I wish I could take it all away. It sounds like you loved each other very deeply. Your loss is very recent, and this will be a very difficult and unpredictable journey - one that none of us has chosen. My heart goes out to you. I lost my husband, the love of my life, in July. I miss him terribly. I live a good distance from family and friends, so am alone and lonely a lot. Be gentle with yourself - try to eat right, drink water, get some rest. Grieving is stressful and takes a lot of your energy, even when you don’t even realize it. Cherish the messages and signs from him. Believe he is with you and watching you, and knows you love him. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Peace and prayers to you. Keep posting.
     
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  12. maryjolyn

    maryjolyn Member

    Katie I am so sorry for your loss. Your story sounds like mine somewhat with how you are feeling. I can't sleep in our room and just like you I don't know how to live this new normal. I cry daily and my heart hurts beyond imagination. I wished I could be of more help but I will pray for you. This is total devastation and it makes you feel sick with grief.
     
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  13. FirstoftheFirst

    FirstoftheFirst New Member

    Katie, I am so sorry for your recent loss. I lost my husband the same way. He had a heart attack at the age of 44 on May 216, 2019. It still feels like it happened yesterday. We had been married almost five years but together for 10 and have known each other since we were in the 5th grade. We have two little ones (7 and 4). My husband passed two weeks before we were to take a vacation to Disney World. Like you we told each other every day that we loved each other. We said it, texted it, and wrote it on little notes for each other to find. My husband also came to be in a dream. After he passed I worried if he was okay. Because anytime we left we told each other we arrived at our destination or we were heading back home. This time I wasn't going to receive any call or message that he made it to his destination alright. In the dream, I was shocked to see him because I knew he had passed. He was smiling that big smile of his and told me that it wasn't him that was in the casket. He also told me he was okay. That dream brought me peace as well. Be patient with yourself. Take it minute by minute. It is still new and raw for you. Take the next right step for you. What I can say is when the grief comes over you lean into it. Don't try to stop it or push it down or away. If you do that when it surfaces, and it will, it will be an explosion. The only way to get through the "yuck" of this is to walk through it. So lean into the grief - cry, scream, cover your head with the blanket. Sending many prayers to you.
     
  14. BC59

    BC59 Member

    Katie, you have my deepest sympathy for your loss and the pain you are going through now. Such a tragic event, it's hard to imagine happening to someone so young as you. I can relate, however, to what you are going through, as it's only been about 10 weeks since my wife died suddenly, also from a heart attack. The unexpectedness of it all has left me completely unprepared to deal with it. Having recently retired, we were together 24/7, loved each other tremendously, and were each other's best friend. We were busy making lots of plans for the future, and now I find myself alone and with little to look forward to. But here's the only advice I can offer, which I've had offered to me several times: let yourself grieve as much as needed, and know that things will start to get better with time even if that seems hard to fathom right now. While it's only been a short while for me and I'm still in a bad place, I do see that I'm doing a little better now than a month ago, for what it's worth. Hang in there.
     
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  15. BaintreachBia

    BaintreachBia Member

     
  16. BaintreachBia

    BaintreachBia Member

    You will find your own way,right now you are in the tsumani of grief,its swift,brutal,abd takes our breath and mind away,we actually go mad for a while,im 6 months in ,sudden cardiac arrest,journalling if you have some energy might give you some solace,i promise down the line the bad days will be fewer and far between each other,i promise you will bellylaugh againn,enjoy dunshine and birdsong againn,this is temporaty,we have to attend to our grief and not run from it,bless you ,light and comfort to you,being afraid will pass,your flight or fight responce is in overdrive due to the trauma,try to reduce caffene,quit alcohol,do yoga and get outside,resetting the body clock to get good sleep is vital,self care is absoulutly vital,you matter to people in this world,your loved one will be your biggest cheerleader,once you heal you will regain your connection to your husband in a way thats not related to his passing,xx .m.
     
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  17. Cyanotype

    Cyanotype Well-Known Member

    Its 6 months for me with my loss. I am finding that the wound of my loss is still very raw. When the wound is not so raw then i can begin to take in the good of experiences I had with my best friend. Now it hurts too much to feel my memories......
     
    RichNKatie4Ever likes this.
  18. Cyanotype

    Cyanotype Well-Known Member

    Yes each day I feel different
     
  19. BillyBethkarma123

    BillyBethkarma123 New Member

    Oh katie. I feel every little bit u wrote. I literally just found this site as I thought I could find comfort this morning before I started the worst day of my life. Saying goodbye to my husband Billy His sudden death on Sunday is unbearable n I’m clearly still in shock. He was so excited to turn 65 this month n get Medicare n his vaccine. We were together 12 years. He was my everything. The man I dreamed of my whole life. Each day I felt I was living a fairly take life with him. I truly felt afraid some days it would come to an end cause it was that good n now I sit here devastated beyond words. When will I wake from this nightmare. Tomorrow after his funeral n shiva I begin my new life. Oh dear gd. I will this site will give me strength to place one foot in front of the other just as Billy would want. Sending virtual love n hugs. Beth
     
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  20. RichNKatie4Ever

    RichNKatie4Ever New Member

    Thank you to all of you for your kind words and advice...my birthday was on the 8th and it was the saddest day yet for me besides the night Richard died in my arms...he would always sing me HAPPY birthday and he was always off key and so loud when he sang it and I didn't get to hear him this time....I'm so broken...I'm always thinking about him...I even bought a journal and I write Richard everyday about how I'm feeling that day and memories of him that I will never forget!!