I lost my husband may 7th 2020 to renal cancer that metastasized to his lungs and brain. He passed 3 days before our 40th wedding anniversary. I still consider ourselves married 40 years and together 42. He was the love of my life. I feel so lonely, alone, empty and no one wants to hear about how I feel. Im lost. I'm just existing without him. We lived in the Midwest and our family is on east coast. I had to sell our home, our belongings, his vehicles including his beloved corvette. I have moved in with my sister on east coast until I can make the right decisions. I made so many bad ones after he passed cuz I was in a fog, and in denial. I was scared and still am. I've never lived by myself. I dont want to be anywhere without him. He was my prince charming and he should be here. He loved the simple small town life. He loved to mow our acreage. He loved our animals, he loved puttering around in his big shed. Making things out of wood. He could fix anything and everything. He never met a stranger. He talked to everyone and never said an unkind word about anyone. The world needed him but yet he was taken away just 4 months after his diagnosis. Its so unfair. He never gave up and fought to the end. There was so much left unsaid between us cuz he went down hill so fast and quick. I have many regrets and guilt. He was on home hospice for 8 days before he passed. He hated being so weak he had to stay in a hospital bed in our livingroom and I hated seeing him in it. He was always busy doing something. Never sat down until after our dinners together. It was just him and me. 24/7. And now he has been taken away from me and the life he loved. Im angry, confused, scared and cry all the time. I miss him so much. I can't believe he's gone. Im now having panic attacks when I think about my life without him. Would love to be able to talk with someone going through the same. I need a friend who understands.
We have uploaded a new preview for you to review: Trumpet-Tracks-preview-for-essence-of-you-y.mp3 I have found that music has been a huge help. God Bless you. I wrote this song as a tribute to my late wife Janet, who died of brain cancer last October (2019) I still miss her terribly. Bill
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything your feeling is normal. The first year is the hardest. You are just in a fog, can't sleep, sad, angry, cry all the time. I lost my husband of 36 years 3 years ago in August. We were both at home when he collapsed and died from sudden cardiac arrest. I had no chance to tell him anything. I want you to know I did the same thing, sold my house, moved in with my daughter for a year. I had never lived alone either. I was never so scared of what my new life without him would be. I will tell you take one day at a time. Only do what your able to. Try small things to start. Slowly it will get as little better. After a year I bought a condo, my first time living alone, but very close to my family. This has helped me tremendously. I'm glad you have family to help.
So sorry for your loss. I can understand, my husband passed in April—he was also a putterer, loved mowing, building, fixing stuff, etc. never sat down. I also had panic attacks when thinking of life without my rock, my friend, the one who did everything on our house, fixed anything, etc. And we were still renovating the house! I think it's unfortunately quite normal to be scared and have panic attacks. I don't know how you get them to stop or how to get through each day, it's different for each of us. For me, I'm still in our house and I haven't parted with anything of my husbands yet, the idea of selling a home and moving is so overwhelming I don't know how you did that. I think you are a lot stronger than you think to have made that move. The shock is probably settling in now for you since you were so busy just dealing with moving. You have to just give it time, be kind to yourself, seek out forum's like this that let you connect with others who understand. I can't talk to my family about what I'm going through because they can only hear so much grief and don't truly understand. I talk to my husband all the time, I'm not sure if that's healthy or good to do but it's the only way I can get through this is to think of him being near but not visible to me and knowing I'll see him again when the time is right. Sending hugs to you, you're not alone.
I am truly sorry for the loss of your husband to that beast. He was a wonderful man ,how can i say that when i never even met the man because i believe you and he was a Chevy man. The emotions you are having is normal just let it out .This grieving is hard stuff, it's the price we pay for love and it honors our spouses. You may not feel it but you are more courageous than you think cause this takes serious courage. I call cancer the beast and i hope and pray one day this beast which destroys so many lives young and old will be slayed. My wife passed Feb 2 2020 from esophageal cancer at 59,was 13 months cancer free and like so many came back and was gone in 6 1/2 months. We were married for 36 years , I miss her so so much. Like your husband he had a lot in common with my wife for she loved to cut the grass and we also did everything together. All that you say is true it is unfair , i do not know why we are made to walk through the fire but here we are and it just plain sucks .I am a believer and so was my wife but there are days where i can barely see light in this darkness and I wonder where are you God. If i want his promises, i have to trust his process. I have a quote ''What we once enjoyed we can never lose, All that we love deeply becomes a part of us''. We will never be the same again i think we just learn to live with it .Guard your heart, be good to yourself ,take care of yourself you know your husband would want you to, and what I say to all be strong and very courageous, and Merry Christmas though I know it will be very difficult for me also.
