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Lost my grandfather to suicide.

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Apatt1997, Oct 30, 2019.

  1. Apatt1997

    Apatt1997 New Member

    I lost my grandfather in the beginning of October. This man helped my mother raise me. I looked up to him as my own father. Throughout his life he has struggled with Bipolar disorder. He was in a manic state for a little while. We were all working with him to help get I his levels equaled out. I am an over the road truck driver. I was 800 miles away when I received a call from my mom. She said that my grandfather had gone missing. He took off in his truck. They were not sure where he was going. Were not sure if he had weapons. He kept saying something about the old cabin in Michigan that we used to have. But that is a long travel for a man that doesnt believe in technology, he knows where were live in Tennesse . But other than that he would be lost. So the search was on. Whole neighborhoods, police, family. I drove to gary Indiana and parked my semi. I was working on getting a rental to go to Michigan just incase he really was heading that way. The next day I wake up after about an hour of sleep. I called my mom. She said no news yet. But she wanted me to come home. He wouldn't have gone that far. I worked it out with my company. They got me a load to go home with. I called one more time before I left... i called. I said hello. And all i could hear was sobbing. An officer had came by and let my family know a hunter found him about 50 yards from his tree stand while he was on his way to hunt that morning. Instantly called the police. I was devastated. Still am. I dont want to believe it. I was unable to see my grandfather before he was buried. My mother and grandmother identified him. He used a sawed off shot gun to the heart. By the time they found him he sat in 90+ degree weather and it was to late for anyone else to see him by the time I got home. I'm still in such disbelief that it was him. I was okay at the funeral. It was hard. But I never got the closure I think I needed. And I dont know where to turn to next.