Hi! I’m new here. I lost my fiancé the beginning of June. He was sick since middle of March, but we didn’t know what he had. The doctors and the ER couldn’t tell us if it was Covid or not as we didn’t have the tests for it here. They did blood work and found that he had a couple different bacteria in his blood and that was affecting his aortic valve. He went into the hospital beginning of May. I sat with him for awhile, but had to leave to watch my grandkids. Once I left, was not able to get back in to see him. After a couple of days, he called me in tears saying that he had aortic valve reflux and needed surgery. He was scared to death that they were going to cut him open. They didn’t do surgery in the town where we live but transferred him to another hospital that was bigger and offered some hope. While he was in the hospital, his body kept filling up with fluid and they didn’t know why. They limited his fluid intake and did everything they could to remove the fluid. Finally, they repaired/replaced the aortic valve without having to cut him open. I was able to spend time with him before the surgery, and I am so thankful I was able too. We talked and just enjoyed being able to see each other. I did see him after surgery, but he was still asleep and on ventilator. After a few days they were able to remove vent but I couldn’t talk to him as he was very confused. Then after about a day and a half being off the vent, they had to put him back on it because he was having too much trouble breathing due to the fluid build up. The day he passed, his parents called me and said the doctor would probably cal me to see if I would/could go sit with him awhile. His parents are in a different state and couldn’t be here. I said I would absolutely go sit with him. He was the love of my life and I missed him terribly. I got up there and even though he was in an induced coma, I called his parents so we could all talk to him. The doctor came in and talked to us and basically said he was suffering and there was nothing else they could do for him. His dad made the decision to remove life support. We were given some time with him alone to say our last goodbyes. He left us shortly after the vent was removed. I was the only one there with him, holding his hand and saying I loved him and that his parents and sister loved him as he passed. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but am so glad I could be there with him as he left this world and joined his Heavenly Father. That month he was in the hospital was extremely hard for both of us. Visitors were not allowed because of Covid. Though we talked and texted, it wasn’t the same. He was my life, my best friend, my lover and my soulmate. How am I supposed to go on? I’m trying to be strong but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go thru and I must say that I hate it. I hate being alone. I have great support in my family and friends, but I just want my life back. I want my fiancé back! I love him and miss him so much it hurts.