Lost my father to suicide

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by K4A6, May 1, 2020.

  1. K4A6

    K4A6 Member

    I lost my dad to suicide at the beginning of the year. It is surreal and painful, we had no idea This would ever happen, never thought it. Though I can cope With my life to work and be happy with my daughter and friends and coworkers, I have constant thoughts and memories and guilt and pain. I do not want to accept this and do not want to believe it is true. My mom and siblings are all so lost as well, how do we survive without this man who was a part of everything in our lives? He was supposed to be a part of my children’s lives and was a constant person in our daily life. I have such trauma that flashes in my mind. How do I keep being “okay” for the world who doesn’t know what happened while I am so sad and a huge piece of me is broken inside? Also how do I even share this news? It seems so “shameful” and such a sad way to leave the world.
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    K4A6,
    Reaching out to let you know how sorry I am for the loss of your Dad. It happened so tragically, I can’t even imagine. I feel a little speechless because I feel your pain in your writing, it’s intense pain. I personally haven’t lost anyone to suicide, however I do feel for you and trying to deal with such a loss.
    I can share that I know how it feels to lose your Dad. I lost my Dad to non Hodgkin’s lymphoma, he lost his fight very soon after his diagnosis and I was sure I couldn’t live a day without my Dad. That was in 1994, I remember everything and my feelings vividly. Shortly after he passed I was diagnosed with RA, which I believe was brought on by the stress of losing my dad. My Dad was an intragral part of my life, he seemed to know everything and lead our family so well. So I understand how you feel as far as him missing from your life.
    I’m actually on this site because my husband passed suddenly from a massive heart attack that came out of no where. No previous signs, nothing. I lost him in 2 hours. My life was forever changed since that day. He was my everything! Still is, he’s my inspiration for getting out of bed every day, I feel he’s watching over me and seeing my struggles, I don’t want to let him down. Life without our loved ones is so difficult and now we can’t even have personal support, with this health crisis going on. It’s making me feel worse, I’m sure for you and your family as well.
    It’s sad your Dad didn’t reach out for help in his time of need. But that’s not your fault and nothing to be ashamed of. Your Dad had demons or something that you’re unaware of that made him choose suicide, to me that’s sad, drtainly not shameful. I believe telling family and friends will give you a lot of support. I can tell you if a friend of mine told me they lost their Dad to suicide, I would give them a hug and tell them I’m so sorry, ask how they’re managing and give them the same support I would anyone who lost a loved one no matter how it happened. Your Dad was suffering a different kind of sickness, and it’s so tragic.
    It is so very hard to survive without that person who meant so much. I’m struggling through that as well. Nothing in my life has remained the same, we ran our business together, which I had to close. So now I’ve had 2 losses that came the same day, and I’m not working and therefore have no schedule.
    You will find this site to be full of warm compassionate people that are here for support and to give support as well. Try to keep posting and reading others stories. It’s all very helpful. Get some fresh air each day, stay in touch with your Mom and family members. Hold your daughter close. My daughter has been and continues to be my main support.
    Don’t feel ashamed, feel sad and mourn the loss of your Dad.
    There will be better days ahead, keep working towards them.
    Hugs! Robin
     
  3. Klipstickk

    Klipstickk Member

    Hi! I’m new to this site. And I just want to reach out to you and let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I recently lost my father to suicide on April 10th and it has been the hardest thing to ever deal with! First I was so angry and frustrated, then the process of realizing he’s never coming back hit me sooooooo hard! I’ve been in a whirlwind of emotions since his death. The hurtful part is that I found him dead, and the imagine is stuck in my head. I always replay that day over and over in my head everyday. Some days are better then other’s and I do have my moment randomly out of the blue.. but I’m just taking it day by day! And I want you to know your not alone.
     
  4. K4A6

    K4A6 Member

    Thank you Robin. It just seems surreal and everyday I wake up and realize again what has happened and what our new “reality” is I just feel so confused and sad. I hope that somehow my family can find some peace but it feels impossible at this point in time. I am sorry to hear of your losses, sudden loss, no matter how it happens, is something frightening and heart breaking. Thoughts are with you ❤️
     
  5. K4A6

    K4A6 Member

    Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss. It is the most painful and confusing experience. Some days I feel okay and can see positive lights ahead through the sadness and loss and then some days my brain is consumed with the thought of what the F!!! happened?? How is this my life and my new reality?? The first couple weeks were very hard for me to function or care for myself, let alone my daughter. I now feel like I am getting back to normal but this quarantine has been very hard to not see my family and hug them and be together to support one another. I agree that it is a whirlwind, I have often referred to it as waves. Sometimes it is okay and I can handle it then I have all different sizes of waves and flashbacks and emotions that “hit” so many different times. My thoughts are with you, take care. Thank you for reaching out and responding. ❤️