I lost my dad to suicide at the beginning of the year. It is surreal and painful, we had no idea This would ever happen, never thought it. Though I can cope With my life to work and be happy with my daughter and friends and coworkers, I have constant thoughts and memories and guilt and pain. I do not want to accept this and do not want to believe it is true. My mom and siblings are all so lost as well, how do we survive without this man who was a part of everything in our lives? He was supposed to be a part of my children’s lives and was a constant person in our daily life. I have such trauma that flashes in my mind. How do I keep being “okay” for the world who doesn’t know what happened while I am so sad and a huge piece of me is broken inside? Also how do I even share this news? It seems so “shameful” and such a sad way to leave the world.