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Lost my father in 22 days to pancreatic cancer, can't accept it

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by the fig tree, Dec 4, 2019.

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  1. the fig tree

    the fig tree New Member

    My father was my best friend, the rock I was leaning on, the only unconditional and permanent love I felt I could always count on.
    He was the most cheerful person on earth, funniest one I have met, with the biggest heart and appetite for fruits and the healthiest living person in the family. No resentment towards anyone, only love and worry for his two kids.
    Yet he died 2 months ago, only 22 days after we figured out something was wrong with him and may be 12 days after figuring out he had pancreatic cancer, the last stage. He was retired but still working to support my studies, only dreamt of having a small garden so he could replant everything he was growing in the balcony of our flat. Wanted to go back to the earth, nature; but not in this way.
    I feel so alone after he is gone. I can't accept that he is indeed gone. I want to believe this is a nightmare I will wake up from one day and he will come back to see me and hug me through all the more graduations I will have and be proud of me.
    He didn't deserve this. I guess no one does. But still, there are less good people around me that people wouldn't notice the absence of. And he was the one I would feel the most.
    I feel lost.
    How does one deal with this? This all doesn't make any sense. I don't understand it.
     
    the fig tree, Dec 4, 2019
    #1
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your father. The loss of a parent is a unique and significant loss, and sometimes people don't understand just how much we lose when we lose a parent.
    As far as how to do deal with it? Of course everyone is very different in terms of their coping but remember this:
    One, how you feel now isn't how you'll always feel. Yes, you will always miss your Dad, always love him, and always wish he was here. But this intense pain does not stay this way forever. Two, you do what you can to get through the days as you're adjusting and adapting to a significant loss. Practice good self care. Eat well if you can. If sleep is an issue, address it by starting a new nighttime routine or finding ways to make sleep come (meditation, guided imagery, soft music, a bath before bed). Spend time with people who support you. Find ways to relax and take time each day doing something that is truly just for you. Next, and perhaps most importantly - find support from people who understand. It is hard to go through this alone, and no one will understand like those who have had a similar loss. It's the reason we're here.
    If you haven't already, it's always helpful to comment on an existing thread- I find people get good responses that way.
    I'm glad you've found us and I truly hope we can be a help.
    Please take care~
     
    griefic, Dec 13, 2019
    #2
  3. Brynb

    Brynb New Member

    I understand exactly what ur going thru, I just lost my dad January 6th we found out he had lung cancer end of November and he was in the last stage and he had it for over a year and didn’t know till the end I’m hurting so much it’s not the same he was my bestfriend
     
    Brynb, Feb 3, 2020
    #3
  4. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    It is very hard losing a loved one. My mother passed away 30 years ago; my father 15 years ago and most recently my sister whom I lived with and was my best friend. She was the last of my family and it has been very difficult. The grief and emptiness does not go away - it will be forever in your heart but one does learn to live with such losses as best we can. It is not easy but somehow we manage.
     
    cg123, Feb 9, 2020
    #4