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Lost my everything

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Chynna, Mar 27, 2019.

  1. Chynna

    Chynna New Member

    October 25th 2018. It’s a day I will never forget. I woke up around 1030 at night to find my boyfriend of the last 18 years on the floor of our bedroom not breathing. I completely lost it. Im still in the same state of mind. I just can’t stop thinking about him. He was my everything, my Monday my Friday my 3 o’clock my 11 o’clock. He was all I had. Everyone keeps telling me they know how I feel and they have no idea the daily struggle I face to not lose it. I cry everyday on my way home from work, sometimes at work. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I need him back that’s all I want ever. I’m so alone, with nowhere to turn at times. The tears just keep coming. I don’t know when or if they will ever stop. I miss him so much. It’s so hard everyday is hard. How do you cope? I’m by myself now, and the daily tasks of life are a lot for me. I’m clearly depressed, and I feel like nothing can bring me out of it. Time is not helping me cope, I just feel like it’s one more day I’m alone without him. I hold him everyday I kiss him everyday, I wear his ashes around my neck. I just don’t feel I will ever move on from him. He was with me my entire adult life. I’m like a lost puppy. Only a sad lost puppy. Does it ever get better?
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Chynna, I am so sorry for your loss. That's the question so many people ask, does it get better? Time doesn't heal as fast as we would like and in fact I think a lot of people find they are MORE challenged as time goes by - that's very common. I'll include some articles below that I think will help but I will tell you this - I don't know that it necessarily gets better in the way we would expect or hope. But it does change. Grief in the very beginning (and by "beginning" I mean the first several years for some) has nothing but hard, sharp and painful edges. We need time to adjust and adapt to this very big change that we never wanted and never asked for, and with that, time can heal soothe and soften some of the edges. We'll always miss the person who is gone. We'll always wish they were here. We'll always wish things were different. But time and working through some of this grief with the help of people who understand can help make the pain less acute. I'm glad you are here and I hope we can be a help to you~
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/on-grief-5-things-only-the-newly-bereaved-understand/
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/sudden-loss-5-ways-its-different-then-expected-loss/