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Lost my daughter my best friend Nov 12 2017,and so much more

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by mskelli, Oct 20, 2020.

  1. mskelli

    mskelli Member

    My oldest daughter,my best friend just 4 days after her 33rd bday,as if that wasnt enough I lost so so much more.
    Sherry(my daughter) and 2 of her friends(i was also close to them) drove to the city to spend her bday weekend w her best friend. They were going to be home by 6 on Sunday. I had talked to her off and on that weekend,we were more like friends than mom/daughter. We did everything together.
    I was very uneasy all weekend but didnt really know why. Even though Sherry was grown and had her own family she still texted and let me know where she was going,when she was leaving and always let me know when she was back. Around 4 that day I knew they were headed back and knew to expect a call around 6 that she made it home and what they did.
    I didnt hear from her and her then husband called and asked if I had heard from her yet and I said no but my anxiety had really kicked in by then and I just knew something was wrong. I started calling and texting her and her friends that was w her-no answer. So I started calling hospital,Sheriffs, Hiway Patrols anything I could think of. I called her friend that she had been at and thought well maybe they had gotten a last start.
    Her friend said no actually they had left earlier and she thought they would be home by now.
    I remember bits and pieces of the next few hrs. I remeber the call and I remember screaming and just running down the street to my brother in laws house but being afraid to even knock on his door for some reason so I ran back the 2 blocks home, I dont know if somebody called my husband or what but he showed up and we went over to her house.
    I had to go in and tell her 7 yr old,her 9 yr old and 10 yr old step daughters that she wasnt coming home to them.
    The nightmare didnt end and I am still living it. Just 6 weeks after her death her widow moved in 1 of her other friends. I was in shock,I was sick,I was mad. Just 2 weeks after he moved her in to MY DAUGHTERS HOUSE W MY DAUGHTERS FAMILY,he called my other daughter to come and get her things. I was loosing her family all together,her kids were ripped apart. Because I was so angry I said things I shouldnt have and for punishment he refused to let us see the baby and of course we had no rights to his kids,who we considered our grandkids also. We had to get a lawyer and fight for visitation for the baby. Her oldest came to live w us and I was dealing w her hurt and trying to comfort her while Im being ripped apart.
    While we were fighting to see our granbaby we had to watch as he bought her 2 new SUVs,him a new truck,a new travel trailer and a cruise to Jamaica. He also sold their house and bought a new house for him and his new family. I hurt from loosing Sherry,from loosing the 2 friends w her,loosing 3 grandkids ,and I hurt for her girls who were now wo their mommy and ea other and any kind of life as they knew it.
    I just dont know how I can ever heal from any of this, I cant wrap my head around feeling this way for the rest of my life. As her bday and her angelversary draws closer and closer Im becoming mure and more anxious. Its almost 3 yrs and absolutely nothing has gotten any easier.
     
    NICSDAD likes this.
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear daughter and for the pain you are going through.
    Three years is such a short time. Give yourself time and be patient with yourself. You have been through a very traumatic experience which takes time and a lot of gentle loving care to get better. It will always be the same sense of loss, but the awful pain will be less and less frequent because you will begin to get involved in things and your mind will gradually not dwell on the loss for 24 hours a day. Three years is not really enough time to expect things to get easier. The loss of a child is entirely different from any other loss. In my opinion, it is the very hardest grief to work through.

    I was attracted to your post because of the title mentioning your daughter was your best friend. We lost our son, who was my best friend, at 28 years old as a result of suicide and I thought I could not go another day for quite some time. But God was always there giving me the strength to get through it and I knew if I ever would get any better it would have to be God doing the healing. When Shawn was gone, I asked a counselor why I felt like a hundred people had died. He said because Shawn played that many roles in my life.

    We lost Shawn in Dec. 2000, so it has now been 20 years and I thought I could not bear it another day in the beginning. But by God's grace and strength I found out I was wrong. I tell you this to encourage you to hang on. I and others have made it through, so what seems impossible right now will change with time.
    Sending my love,
    Chris
     
  3. mskelli

    mskelli Member

    thank you,all i can do is continue to try
     
  4. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    thinking of you
     
  5. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    You have been through a great shock and much turmoil. May you find your way into God's peace. You have made it through another day-quite a feat with the loss of a dear child and friend. Keep going. We care about you.
    Chris