Lost my dad

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Sc79, Dec 22, 2019.

  1. Sc79

    Sc79 New Member

    Hi, I happened to find this site and feel like this is a good place to put my feelings into words, so here it goes...

    My dad passed away early Friday morning at the age of 69. He had various health issues, including kidney cancer, but his passing was sudden. His heart began failing Thursday morning, and he was admitted to the hospital but passed less than 24 hours later. I'm thankful it was quick for him.

    Even though we expected this to come sooner or later, it has still caught us off guard. He was fine Wednesday and gone Friday. The shock is starting to wear off now, and the pain is setting in. I'm devastated, mad, confused, and lonely. My mom was cleaning through his clothes today (I know it may seem early, but she has her process to help her cope), so I helped her. But it was just too soon for me.

    His Christmas present is sitting in my house under the tree and absolutely crushes me every time I look at it. It's something my son picked out for him. They were extremely close. He's holding up well, but I dread Christmas morning for him. That is the time we go to my parents'.

    I've been telling my wife that I didn't want gifts this year, because my dad has been through a lot health wise, and I was just thankful he made it to Christmas this year. I acted like I was "above" the idea of everyone's material objects and wants, and fate decided to put me in my place.

    My dad was my best friend, and I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I struggle to understand what happened, although no one ever understands. He fought a long time through his problems, including almost dying a few times before. I'm so proud of him and will do all I can to honor him. He accepted and forgave me for all my mistakes I made in life. Even at my worst, he loved me unconditionally. I can never repay him for what he has done for me.

    I appreciate anyone who took the time to read my words. I will get through this. There is no other option. But I felt compelled to leave this here so I could put my see my words in front of me. Thank you for listening.
  2. riverinohio

    riverinohio Active Member

    This was beautifully written. I am glad you shared this. A year ago I lost my dad and it has been heartbreaking to say the least. Holidays for me have never been the same because my dad was in a nursing home for a number of years before he passed away in hospice during the month of December. The grief is just overwhelming at times. I miss him because he was my best friend. I too struggle with the "whys" of the world. It isn't fair. I admire your strength and determination. Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you the absolute best.
  3. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Sc79, I am so sorry for you loss of your dad. Dads, like mom are a special part of us all, they are not replaceable in life.

    Holidays are the worst to get past. Our family use to gather at my dads house for Thanksgiving and Xmas. It was always a special time for us all.

    Being so close to your dad must be very hard, even though he had failing health. I wish I could take your pain away but alas life has a way of taking control of us sometimes in our lives. Your dad sounds like he was a very special person.

    When I was younger, I was going to college when my dad asked me to drive him to the doctors. I waited outside. When he came out, he got in the car, and sat quietly for about 10 minutes. He then asked me to take him to the lake 5 miles away. The trip was a quiet one.

    When we arrived at the lake I pulled up to a spot to park. At that point he looked at me and told me wanted to tell me something and asked me not to interrupt him. He said what I am about to tell you is the results of my own ignorance towards smoking. He said the doctor told him his lung cancer was beyond curing (this was the first time dad ever told me he had cancer). He was a WW2 naval veteran and was hard at rock even at his age of 66.

    He said the doctor told him he had a week or less to live, and then asked me to take him home to where mom was. One the way he asked me to take care of mom after his passing, which of course I did.

    For the next day I came over took mom to dialysis, came back after, and heard dad on the phone making his final funeral arrangements. He turned to me and said every thing was taken care of and just make sure your mom is ok. I was heartbroken listening to dad, knowing that man who I looked up to all my life would no longer be around. I was bothered how mom would take it. One day later dad passed away. I was in the room as the hospice nurse was taking his pulse and telling us his heart was slowing down. All I can you, I didn't smile for a long time after.

    At the funeral, I sat beside my mom, and tried to console her the best I could. I was still new to marriage, and my wife and two sons were beside me. My dad had been a past master to the masons 6 times previously, so the ceremony was performed by them.

    Sc79, I hope your days will be better and you don't stop telling us how you feel. Your grief will be hard, but just don't stop asking for help or talking, as it should help you feel better over time. This process of sorrow will be long, so be honest with yourself, if you wish to talk, please do so.

    Please take care of yourself, and just take each day slowly.


    I hope you like this song all of us sons.