Hi, I happened to find this site and feel like this is a good place to put my feelings into words, so here it goes... My dad passed away early Friday morning at the age of 69. He had various health issues, including kidney cancer, but his passing was sudden. His heart began failing Thursday morning, and he was admitted to the hospital but passed less than 24 hours later. I'm thankful it was quick for him. Even though we expected this to come sooner or later, it has still caught us off guard. He was fine Wednesday and gone Friday. The shock is starting to wear off now, and the pain is setting in. I'm devastated, mad, confused, and lonely. My mom was cleaning through his clothes today (I know it may seem early, but she has her process to help her cope), so I helped her. But it was just too soon for me. His Christmas present is sitting in my house under the tree and absolutely crushes me every time I look at it. It's something my son picked out for him. They were extremely close. He's holding up well, but I dread Christmas morning for him. That is the time we go to my parents'. I've been telling my wife that I didn't want gifts this year, because my dad has been through a lot health wise, and I was just thankful he made it to Christmas this year. I acted like I was "above" the idea of everyone's material objects and wants, and fate decided to put me in my place. My dad was my best friend, and I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I struggle to understand what happened, although no one ever understands. He fought a long time through his problems, including almost dying a few times before. I'm so proud of him and will do all I can to honor him. He accepted and forgave me for all my mistakes I made in life. Even at my worst, he loved me unconditionally. I can never repay him for what he has done for me. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read my words. I will get through this. There is no other option. But I felt compelled to leave this here so I could put my see my words in front of me. Thank you for listening.