I lost my dad on Saturday. Random aortic tear. He lives with me and I’ve basically lived with him 33 out of my 38 years. We were extremely close. Two peas in a pod. This was especially shocking because six weeks ago he had a double bi-pass and made it through! The tear had nothing to do with the heart surgery it just happened. I got to see him Friday before he went into the operating room. I told him I loved him and what a great father he had been. We face timed my sister who lives in Seattle and she did the same. He told me he loved me. And that he would see me tomorrow. My husband and I got the call at 445am that he wasn’t going to make it. We rushed to the hospital. He was heavily sedated and in no pain. I sat holding his hand. I had my sister on the phone. My husband had my dads fraternal twin brother and niece and nephew on his phone. Both my husband and my sister said they had never heard the agony they heard in my voice and felt powerless because they wanted to take it away. I feel so lonely without him. I always knew my dad and I were close but I didn’t realize how much I depended on him emotionally before he was gone. My husband is a freight trucker driver and works really long hours. I told him I think I’ve been okay with that because I had my dad. And now I’m just going to be really sad and lonely. I can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t believe I have to be without him. I had all this hope that he was going to get this awesome second chapter and then he was just taken. My sister can’t get out here because of the covid spike and she has a new baby, who my dad never got to meet. My mom lives with us too but my relationship with her has been strained for a long time. Her and my dads relationship was a weird, codependent, toxic, mess. Her grief is so very different then mine. I can’t be around her. It’s too hard. I feel like I can’t function.