Lost my dad on Nov 4, 2020

I lost my dad on Nov 4, 2020 due to cardiac failure. He lived in India with my elder brother.
I used to call him daily. I just can't seem to cope with the loss of my dad. I keep listening to his voicemails
or seeing his old pictures. I was shattered when I lost my mom on Dec 5, 2006 in India also due to cardiac failure. Parents are so important in our lives that their loss is so suffocating and leave a big hole in the heart. This year has been so devastating to so many people who have lost their lives due to Covid. Living in the US, I could not be with my dad who died in India since there was no flights to India due to the pandemic.

My elder brother is even more devastated because of the loss of our dad since he lived with my dad and took care of him. To wake up daily after Nov 3, 2020 and try to move on in life has become so difficult for us (brother and sister) who live in far away countries.

My brother has no family left in India since he only had my dad. I am his only younger sister left in this world and I live with my husband and 2 daughters in the US.

How do my elder brother and I heal?

Thanks for reading.

Vidya

 

I'm very sorry for your loss. I have just joined this site but noticed you had no replies yet so I wanted to reply. I think it's very tragic what you and your brother have gone through. I think your parents would want both of you to lead happy, long and healthy lives where you go after your dreams so I think alongside grieving, let that be your focus. Perhaps your brother could move to the US to live in the same location as you and your family, perhaps he could go and live somewhere else for a new work opportunity and meet someone and get married and have a family himself. I have just lost my father too and I've been thinking about the same thing for me, what am I going to do next. I feel devastated and in shock, but I remember when my dad lost his father and his mother, he didn't stop living. He grieved them both and he continued his life until it was his time to go too. He lived a full life. The same is true for us, our time will come one day too and until then we just need to live the best life we can and make the most out of what life has to offer.

Do you want to tell us more about your father and what he was like? Please share if it would help.

 

Thank you SunflowerCosmos for your kind words of comfort and solace. I am very sorry to hear the loss of your father.
May God give you the strength to bear this loss. Loss of a parent can be devastating. It leaves a huge hole in the heart.

My dad was 83 years old when he passed away. In fact on Sept 4, 2020, he was rushed to ER in India for the same cardiac situation. However, after 1 week of of staying in ER with only an oxygen mask and not a ventilator, he made it and and came back home with my brother. However, within 2 months again on Nov 2, 2020, he was again rushed to the same ER in India and this time they put him on a ventilator and he never came back. I called my dad daily on Whatsapp and even the night before he was rushed to ER for the second time. I was showing him some images of a walker on Amzaon India that I was thinking of ordering for him besides the walking stick he was already using. He said he didn't want a walker as it looked very cumbersome. I had planned to visit my dad and brother this month, but alas.
My dad's face would always light up whenever I video called him on Whatsapp and he always had a smile talking to me. It felt as if he got his energy talking to me. When I lost my mom on Dec 5, 2006, I was devastated. My mom loved me the most in our small family. More than my dad and my elder brother, my mom was open about her unconditional love for me. It was obvious to anyone that I meant the world to my mom and vice versa. When she died, also due to cardiac arrest (arrhythmia of the heart, while driving to school since she was an elementary school teacher, and wanted to reach her school on time), she suffered a massive heart attack while driving to school and collapsed on the wheel. By the time the local people and passers by found her and called the police and ambulance, it was too late. She had died I think within minutes of her cardiac arrest. I used to live in New York in 2006. And that night, the night of Dec 5, 2006, while in NY, around 9 pm, I felt my heart thumping very loudly and I was profusely sweating. I did not know if I was falling sick or something, but at that time around 9 pm US EST, which was morning India time, (just about the time maybe my mother was dying of cardiac arrest and arrhythmia of the heart in her car in India), I felt something happening to me in NY 9 pm US time. My profound sweat, my heart pounding, immense restlessness, I felt as if something wrong and terrible was happening. I could not just fathom that at that time, my mom was dying in India.
I must have been awake for a few more hours that night when around 3:30 am US EST, India afternoon time, my dad and brother called. I was surprised to receive their call and asked them why they were calling at 3:30 am US time. My dad made general conversation and then he broke the news that my mom had died of massive cardiac failure that morning in India while driving to school for work. I could not believe what I had heard. My dad and my elder brother had called me from the crematorium to break the bad news. I was devastated. I could not fathom what I had heard. I was completely at a loss of words.
The next thing I remember was that I frantically emailed my manager informing him that my mother had died in India and that I had to take the next flight to India and wanted some bereavement leave. It was a long flight to India, almost 18 hours. By the time I got there, my dad and brother had already cremated her. In our Hindu religion, we burn a dead body. And after the cremation, my dad and brother had collected the remaining ashes of my mother in a clay pot, as is the Hindu tradition, so that we could immerse my mother's ashes and last remains into the Holy Ganges river. And that's what we did (my dad, brother and me).
This time, when my dad died on Nov 4, 2020, my brother was all by himself, since I could not be there as there were no flights to India due to the pandemic. He had a few of his work colleagues who helped him and he did the same last rites for my dad.

After all this, I just feel we are carrying on the chores and charades of life. Unfortunately time doesn't heal...even if it tries.

Thank you for reading. I truly hope God gives us the strength and courage to cope with our losses.

 

May God give you strength