Hello, I’m new, just found this group. My Dad passed after being sick for so long. He was under Hospice at home. I knew it was coming but who can prepare for such a devastating loss. I’m the oldest and was Daddy's girl. I was unbelievably close to my Dad. He taught me everything I know. My Dad was my world. It seems I’m supposed to hurry and get over it, move on. I cannot! It’s hard to describe my pain and I feel no one understands how much I miss him that it hurts. I feel my mom doesn’t even get it even though she says I’m taking it the hardest. My Dad told my Mom that I would in fact take it the hardest. I’ve had thoughts that I just want to be with my Dad. Maybe if I don’t wear my seatbelt, I’ll get hit, what if my cancer comes back, I would be with him sooner. I’m trying to be positive but the sorrow, pain, anger and grief just takes over. My heart aches so bad. I feel nauseous daily, my entire body hurts. I feel as if I will never get through life without my Dad. What do I do? It hurts so bad. I’ve seen my Doctor, I see a psychologist weekly and it doesn’t seem to help. I’ve become detached from my siblings, Mom, and can’t even go to their home. I have no interest in anything. I can’t take the pain in my heart, I feel like I can’t breathe. Thank you for reading this.
Hi Daddy’s girl. I’m a Daddy’s girl as well. Just had my dads funeral July 8th. He died all of a sudden from a heart attack. I woke up in physical pain from the grief today [dull pain and heaviness in my chest] and yesterday i didn’t want to get out of bed. It’s so much to carry, especially when you’re the closest to the parent. Just know that everything you feel it’s okay to feel, you do not have to rush through your grief. And even though it may seem like nobody else is taking it as hard as you we don’t know what’s happening behind their closed doors. It’s sucks to lose a parent, it hurts like hell, but everyday make the decision to get up. Don’t put too much on your to do list. And pack in at least 3 things that brings you joy a week...it’ll help you get used to your new normal. And even writing a letter to your loved one of things left unsaid, or if you’re used to talking with them everyday, write a normal conversation to them and read it out loud or keep it in a memory box if your dad. I’ve only been grieving in a short amount of time, I’m unsure if those things even helps but i saw a therapist today and those are the things she told me to do. If you’re a reader, she recommended a devotional book as well, i can share that with you if you’d like. But you’re not crazy for still crying and hurting. You take as long as you need ♥️
Hi Dominique, Thank you for responding. I’m really sorry to hear of your loss. It will be seven weeks on Monday that my Dad left this world. I don’t even know how to express all the pain I’m feeling. I do see my Psychologist that helped me through my cancer on a weekly basis. She does help put things in perspective but it still doesn’t seem to ease my pain. Today, we had birthday dinner at my house for my daughter and I was so saddened that my Dad wasn’t there. I went to my room to hide. I couldn’t handle the noise, laughing, etc. My whole body hurt, and I was in a bad mood. I couldn’t even look at anyone in the face. I’m lost without my Dad. I still get urges to call him as I did daily. I feel alone. Thanks again,
I lost my dad last December and it still feels like yesterday. I too was very close to him. I was his caregiver and my life has been turned upside down. I lost him but I also lost my identity as a caregiver. I had relationships with his doctors, nurses and other caregivers and now that is gone. I am trying to rebuild my life and every step I take I think of him and what he would want for me. He hated to see me cry but I have cried a river since his passing. It is an extremely difficult thing to go through. I now have to figure out what to do with my own life and that has had its own challenges. Grief is strange and takes many turns. I cry every single day multiple times a day. Know that you are not alone. Its a personal process that you have to dig in and just do the work necessary to survive the sadness of the loss. I wish you the absolute best. Hang in there even if its by a thread, just hang in there. I have felt anger, resentment, and feelings like I am going to suffocate. I too isolate myself just to survive. Believe me you are not alone.
Hello riverinohio, Thank you for sharing and I am truly sorry for your loss. I can't believe it, someone who so understands how I feel, the emotions and what I am going through. My Dad didn't like to see me cry either so I didn't in front of him anymore. I wanted him to think I was being brave and so he wouldn't worry about me but he knew I would take it the hardest. Nights are the worst. I close my eyes and I see an instant replay of that horrible day. I too wonder how I will live my life now without him and sometimes I don't think I have a thread to hang on to. I don't know what the rest of my family does at their homes but the few times I have seen them, they laugh and bring up funny stories about my Dad. It angers me because I don't find anything funny right now. I'm more than devastated and can't think about funny stories but only that he is not here and how so very much I miss him. That makes me feel alone. At times, I don't mean to cry, I just do and I can't stop. I'm beside myself with pain and don't know what to do with it. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. You know, sometimes I feel as if my family thinks I'm over doing it or I'm weird?? I don't think they realize what my Dad meant to me ( I really hate using past-tense) that also angers me. I have been to the cemetery every day since he's been gone. I talk to him, ask him to please visit me in my dreams. I wish you the absolute best as well!
We have a lot in common. I have three brothers and two sisters and my grief is the most intense because I was by his side for the whole time while they lived their lives and now that he is gone its the same. They are living their lives and they mention him and I get defensive and downright upset. Where were they while he was sick and now you are talking fondly about him? I feel they don't have that right. I will just say in my experience through this my body is telling me to back off the intense grief because I have made myself sick. Who cares if your family thinks you are over doing it? Your relationship with your dad was special and the intensity will be different. Also we all grieve differently. It may hit your family years down the road. I completely understand everything you are going through. I don't visit the cemetery everyday because its too painful but I cry everyday and the nights are the worst. Everything you have said resonates with me. One thing that I am trying to do is take care of myself. My dad would want that for me. I have just joined a gym to release stress and lose weight in the process. I in a weird way am trying to make my dad proud of me if that makes any sense. Don't worry about your family. Believe me I was alone for years taking care of dad and now I am alone in my grief but that is ok. I find myself with a defiant attitude toward them and I will rise above this. My dad would want this for me and I am sure your dad would want the same.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss as I too have have lost my dad,my best friend,the one person in this world that never judged me or left me. He died of a heart attack on June 14 th of this year,he was living with me and my husband at the time,I heard him hit the floor and I ran to him but still despite all my efforts could not save him.I miss him terribly,I just feel lost and I play that day over in my head.wishing to go back and steady say I love you one last time,will this pain ever ease up?
Grief is different for everyone and I must say that in my situation it hasn't eased up. There are a few moments where I can breathe but there are reminders all of the time of him and so the crying begins. Its horrible. I wish you the best. I don't have a solution. I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other because I know my dad would want that. He has been gone since December and it seems like yesterday. Its so rough. For me specifically it is a rebuilding of my life and identity since I was his caregiver and that gave me purpose and fulfillment in life. That is lost. I now am trying to go back to school after being unemployed for so long. I knew life would be hard but man I never thought this hard. I too have replayed a lot in my head and played the "should have, could have" game. That is being unkind to myself and I just have to realize I am human and did the best and my dad knew I loved him. We don't have the power to know the future so we just do the best we can in the present. Be kind to yourself. My best wishes go out to you.
