Lost my dad in an accident 6 months ago, feel like I’m being pushed into adulthood

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by aharddaysnight, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. aharddaysnight

    aharddaysnight New Member

    My dad passed away right after Christmas in a work accident. I feel guilty for not telling him to stay home that day because I had a bad feeling about him going to work, and it was right after Christmas anyway and he had no need to work. The week before he passed he gave me a speech about how he works so much so I can go to school. It’s my fault. I feel guilty because I want to drop out.

    I was 19 at the time and I have younger siblings, so I feel like I have to “become an adult” in a sense but I go to a competitive school and I don’t feel like I can handle anything right now. I can barely get out of bed every morning. I still find myself wanting to tell him news (to show him pictures, talk about good test grades, etc.) and then I remember that I can’t. My family expects me to be over it already, but I was the only daughter so we had a special relationship. I’m doing worse now than I was right after it happened and I don’t know how to become functional again.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    aharddaysnight, I am so sorry for your loss. First, please recognize how common and "normal" it is to grieve a parent for months and years after they're gone. In many ways we will mourn them forever. Our parents are our first loves, our biggest cheerleaders, and our protectors. To lose a parent suddenly and at such a young age means there was really no time to prepare - not just for the loss itself, but even how to be on your own without your Dad. Often times when people around us are expecting us to move on, it's because they no longer know what to do or say. Other people's grief will make them very uncomfortable, and feel inadequate because they just want the "old you" back and they feel powerless to make that happen. Of course you want the old you back too, but you know how impossible that seems right now. This process takes a long time - so much more time than we could ever expect. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with the process. And hard as it is sometimes, be patient with those who don't understand.
    Hopefully coming here you can connect with those who do get it, that's exactly what this community is about. We're here to help, and if we can offer support at any time, please just let us know. Please take care~