Lost my Dad 4/5/18 Will be a Year Soon so Depressed

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Fitz4759, Mar 23, 2019.

  1. Fitz4759

    Fitz4759 New Member

    Hi lost my Dad on April 5, 2018 buried him two days later on my birthday. I was a Daddy's girl his only daughter. Told my Mom it wouldn't bother me if he was buried on my birthday. Kind of makes it special he was there that date when I came into the world and I was there on the same date when they laid him to rest. Not handling this year thing too good. I am not sure this is what this group is for if not I apologize just don't know what to do. Some of my friends have told me it's been a year you still tear up over little things that I should be getting over it?? I don't know if I am making any sense right now I know I am rambling. Well thanks for listening.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Sharing your story is exactly what this group is for...
    The people around us don't always understand our losses, but your grief is YOUR grief. It's hard enough to lose someone we love but if we feel like we're doing something wrong it makes it so much harder to cope. You had your father in your life, for your whole life. That sounds almost silly to say out loud, like - of course that's true. But yet that's the key factor that people don't seem to get. How are we supposed to, in just one year, adjust to the absence of someone who has literally always been there? It really does take time and the only thing I can say is that people often say these kinds of things simply because they feel so helpless and crippled by your pain. They want you to feel better and they want you to feel better NOW. It doesn't work that way, no matter how much you or anyone else wants it to. It takes time, and quiet, and reflection, as well as support to be able to make our way forward after loss, and I am glad you have come to our site. I truly wish you all the best in the days ahead~
     
  3. KarenP

    KarenP Member

    When I lost my mom a month ago, I held it together. Planned every detail of the wake and collation. Emptied out her room at assisted living, finished cleaning out her condo and put it on the market. Wrote all of the thank you cards. It wasn't until all that work was done that everything began to hit me. Since I was so "together" nobody really called me or even came by to see me. The lonliness was more than I could handle. Could not even get into the shower. I, unfortunately or fortunately, lost it in a public setting around family. Though everyone I was with had either lost one or both of there parents over the last 30-40 years (and some more horrifically than mine), my outburst made them realize how I am feeling and they began checking in on me. I got out of the house yesterday for the first time in 4 days. I still came home and cried. You are entitled to your feelings and it is very hard to hold it together. Especially when we are under the impression that is what we are suppose to do. A suggestion...….do you have one person in your life who will just listen and let you state your feelings over and over until you get feeling stronger even is for a minute? If not, that is what we are hear to do...….listen, relate, share