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Lost my beloved husband of 30 years on 11/11/19

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Susan Rackley Newhouse, Nov 16, 2019.

  1. I didn't know you could hurt like i do, its almost unbearable. My husband was in a car accident at 15 and dislocated his hip. He also developed Avascular Necrosis, (loss of oxygen to bones). He's had 4 total hip replacements, and a broken back 2X. He lived his life in constant pain. He tried every pain drug, which gave some relief vat times. He also had a morphine/ Pain pump internal. The pump died and stopped pumping meds back on Oct. 15, 2017. But, the alarm on pump still goes off every 7 minutes...since 10/15/17. We called the pump maker, but they never could find time to come turn off this alarm. We then lost our home and all posessions due to Hurricane Harvey. My husband fell and dislocated his hip during evacuation. They bounced us around Texas in temp housing for almost 2 years, and because we didn't have a permanent address, no doctor would fix his dislocated artificial hip. It was torture on both of us. Our son found us a home near him in Waco and we moved in 04/13/19. From that time until the end, he had 5 surgeries, and awaiting the last one to fix his hip. We had the most loving beautiful marriage you could imagine. For 30 years we were never apart except when i was at work or he was in the hospitals. I had to stop working in 2014 due to cancer and arthritis so i was his full time care giver. On Nov 11th, we were listening to music in the living room, and he said he needed to go lay down. After a few minutes i heard a gun shot, and he had put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. After running to him and it took me a moment to realize what happened i called 911. They couldn't save him, and they refused to let me go back in the room, i wanted to just go hold him again, one last time, and they wouldn't let me. I needed to see him so bad. My heart is shattered , and its a physical and mental pain. Im just lost without him, and i don't evenvknow how to go on...thank you for letting me vent...
     
  2. robheartsjesse5eva

    robheartsjesse5eva New Member

    Hi Susan,

    I just want you to know, I hear you.

    I lost my beautiful partner of 8 yrs in September. Like you, I was her carer - she was 38 but had suffered arthritis, narcolepsy, lupus, you name it since birth.

    When we met she was going well but in 2014 it all started to decline and she never recovered.

    On Sept 29, I came home from my part time job to find her study door shut. When I knocked to no answer, I went in and found that I believe she has taken a medication OD. Paramedics advised it had been some hours since she died.

    I'm lost. I'm just gutted. But i want you to know you are not alone.

    Rob.