I'm new here and am hurting so very badly I can't even find the words to explain the hurt, anguish, sorrow, devastation, grief and pain I'm in. My beloved husband fell ill on Thanksgiving and after much misunderstanding at the hospital as to his condition, he passed a mere week ago. This was a man who loved to hike, RV, camp, cut wood, etc. For him to perish so suddenly almost caused my heart to stop right along with his. I never thought I'd be a widow at 57. We had plans, dreams, trips to take. I have no family close by and few friends who understand. All I know is that my life feels like it's over and I keep hoping God will take me in my sleep. Already the phone calls have tapered off. I have never before experienced pain like this. It is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. Everything I look at is a trigger -- his shoes, movies, books, handwriting, half-eaten bag of potato chips... I can't fathom living another 15 or so years without the love of my life. A month ago I was the happiest girl on the planet. Today, I feel like I'm in the depths of hell with no way out. I can't eat. Barely sleep. Stumble around like I'm drunk. Some days I don't even want to go on living. Why would God want to see his children endure this pain?