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Lost my beloved husband a week ago

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Magic + Maggie, Dec 13, 2020.

  1. I'm new here and am hurting so very badly I can't even find the words to explain the hurt, anguish, sorrow, devastation, grief and pain I'm in.

    My beloved husband fell ill on Thanksgiving and after much misunderstanding at the hospital as to his condition, he passed a mere week ago. This was a man who loved to hike, RV, camp, cut wood, etc. For him to perish so suddenly almost caused my heart to stop right along with his.

    I never thought I'd be a widow at 57. We had plans, dreams, trips to take. I have no family close by and few friends who understand. All I know is that my life feels like it's over and I keep hoping God will take me in my sleep. Already the phone calls have tapered off. I have never before experienced pain like this. It is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. Everything I look at is a trigger -- his shoes, movies, books, handwriting, half-eaten bag of potato chips...

    I can't fathom living another 15 or so years without the love of my life. A month ago I was the happiest girl on the planet. Today, I feel like I'm in the depths of hell with no way out. I can't eat. Barely sleep. Stumble around like I'm drunk. Some days I don't even want to go on living. Why would God want to see his children endure this pain?
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain in your writing, feel the wonderful life you shared together. Everything you mention is very normal. Your mind goes into a fog, can’t concentrate, can’t sleep, eating is probably difficult. With your loss so recent, your body and mind are in shock. Don’t push yourself, one day one hour or one moment at a time. Just taking a shower or brushing your teeth is an accomplishment. If you have things you need to do, make a list so your mind doesn’t keep thinking of the things. Add easy things, so you have something to cross off. Brush my hair, drink water etc.
    When we lose our life partners everything we knew and was normal is now all different. Life is turned upside down. So, do little things, and be sure to get fresh air. Take a walk around your yard or just step outside but get fresh air. Keep your children close, talk with them often. I’m afraid most people don’t understand the pain because they have t gone through it. But if anyone offers support or help, take it. Having someone stop by and sit and have a cup of coffee is wonderful support. We need people in our lives. All the triggers you mention, I’ve experienced too. My husbands shoes are still where he took them off, his pad is where he put it down when he didn’t feel well. His favorite foods that we had just bought are still here. I can’t sit in his chair. I lost my husband suddenly to a massive heart attack, he was taken from our wonderful life in 2 hours! He had no previous health issues of any kind. That was 2 years ago, my life has changed drastically, we were together 24/7, I had to close our business, and I’ve never lived alone until now. Life feels scary and all the dreams we had disappear. It is a long bumpy journey but I’ve learned I’m stronger then I ever realized. I’m doing things I’ve never done before and I know Ron would be so ptoud of me. And that’s what keeps me going.
    Take baby steps, get fresh air, drink water try to eat something, accept any help offered. The people on this site understand the pain and loneliness and the inability to sleep. Everyone is compassionate. Visit this site often and read and share thoughts and stories, it does help. It too me a year to find this site and I was not in a good place at all. I give the people on here and this site credit for helping me so much.
    I know and have experienced the pain you’re in right now, but I can think clear now, I can listen to his favorite music and can have memories that can bring a smile. There’s still triggers but not as often. I cherish what we had and feel thankful for. The 44 years we had together.
    Take care of you. You’re importNt.
    Sending you hugs. ❤️
    Magic + Maggie likes this.
  3. Thank you, Robin. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not going crazy. I don't know how I made it through this past week as every step I take feels like someone is driving a stake through my heart. Everything single task is a monumental effort. And the cheery Christmas atmosphere just compounds my feelings of despondency.

    My guy was Ron, too, and I just cannot fathom how I'm supposed to live this life without my soul mate, my confidante, my one true love, my best friend, the other half of me. I feel my life is over and now I just lie here and wait to die. That is the only thing that brings me happiness.
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You’re definitely not going crazy. I don’t even remember the first days, weeks, months. All a blur. I remember the doctor coming out to me and telling me they couldn’t save him and my daughter screaming and I almost fell to the floor. Then I can’t really tell you. Everything little thing does become a huge task, every little thing wears you out. I lost my husband right before Thanksgiving, 2 years ago. I had the same reaction about everyone feeling happy for the holidays. I still feel it to a degree. This is definitely a hard time of year and the pandemic on top of it. Torture.
    I know life has become scary and lonely. But you have children that love you, and still need their Mom. I remember telling my son I don’t have a purpose any more. And he looked at me with tears in his eyes and in the most loving voice said., Mom, we still need you. We’re adults but we will always need you. Of course I knew that, but I needed to hear it. You’re Ron will always be with you, he’s a part of who you. And wants you to be ok. It takes time though.
    remember, baby steps.