Lost my babygirl: born at 23 weeks...lost a week and 4 days later

Just looking for someone who understands or have been in my shoes. I had a placental abruption at 23 weeks and 1 day. My daughter was born and only lived a week and 4 days before we decided to let her go...it was the hardest decision her dad and i had to ever make and we are both struggling but i for sure would love to be able to talk to a mom who understands and can possibly relate..

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my baby girl at 35 weeks. Cause unknown so far. I am horrified. This is a pain I never knew existed. This is so unfair. The worst thing in the world. I hate this. Speaking to other women who’ve had similar situations is helpful. I hope to find that here. This is the worst.

 

I’m crying and struggling to just get through the days without breaking down and collapsing to the floor. I lost my Hope on Aug 11th, almost 12 hours after she was born in an emergency csection. I haven’t been able to find anyone who had experienced this tragedy as I did. I mean I thought she was fine when they sent me home a few days before because I was bleeding and thought it was from the sex I had just had. And then two days later I was back and I remember saying “OMG I always feel better when I hear the heartbeat.” And within 2 hours off being there I watched on the ultrasound as Hope curled up and her heart started to sputter out and then I could barely say ok and I was wheeled into surgery and there were so so many people and I was crying and worried about my baby and my teenager who was alone in the waiting room because I had no support. Not my parents not the father not even really the people I thought were my friends or family...it was the hardest most traumatic experience ever and I am so so so devastated right now. I never got to see her really she was in an incubator when I did and I could only touch a foot. I never got to hold her or kiss her or feel her warmth and she never got to feel my love...my teenager had just embraced the idea and was planning their adventures and she never got to even see her except in 2 pictures my surgeon took of Hope. And. They couldn’t tell me why when she was born and still didn’t until I had been out of the hospital for 5 days. it’s crazy to me that so many ppl I thought cared don’t. It hurts because I try and be there for ppl when they need and it hurts that I have been treated like it’s not important or that I did something wrong. I hate that I miss the pos that gave Hopes life and death, he was mean to me and emotionally and mentally abusive. Just don’t know where things went wrong....I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye since her body was at the funeral home today. They said they wouldn’t recommend it and I feel like I will regret it, but I really wouldn’t want to see her because I would be even more traumatized. Ugh there’s so so much I left out. I just started writing and I get all mixed up and blank out and forget and then remember things. And I have to be strong for my teenager, I can’t forget that her life is just as important and she’s loved and cared for and that she knows that. I will have to write about my experience soon....I’m sorry you are going through this, I do understand your feelings. If you want to talk reach out ok. I know I could use all the support I can get and especially from women who know what it feels like to lose a baby too soon and to be alone and have no one.