Lost Mother to Alzheimer's Disease

Hi All. I lost my mother to Alzheimer's the Friday before Thanksgiving. In a very real way, I've been losing her in pieces for a couple of years. I guess I thought that would make the actual physical loss a little easier, but that doesn't seem to be the case. 2018 has been a terrible year even before that happened. My husband has had 7 surgeries since the end of January and I've been taking care of him, which took me away from helping my sister care for Mom. She lived 4 hours away with my sister and I used to go up every 3rd weekend to visit and give my sister a break, but once my husband's health problems started I had to quit doing that. Not only do I feel like I let both Mom and my sister down when they needed me most, but I've had to deal with quite a bit of resentment towards my husband because his illnesses were pretty much caused by his smoking, eating habits and refusal to take care of his diabetes. I know logically that this point of view is useless and wrong, but logic isn't stopping the emotions. So how in the world do I deal with losing Mom, take care of my husband the way he needs and deserves, and make a memorable Christmas for my kids and grandkids when all I want to do is cancel the whole thing and go to bed for a week or so?

 

Logic plays no part in grieving. My mother died suddenly in a May - one week before Mother’s Day. Even though I knew there was really nothing I could have done, I was plagued with the “what if’s” for months.

 

I felt that way when my father dies suddenly in '09. My only solace was that I had a good phone conversation with him just three days earlier. He was happy and I really enjoyed out talk. The hardest part with Mom was watching her lose all of her memories and skills. It was like an unwinding of her whole life and it was painful for all of us, her most of all.