LOST HUSBAND SUDDENLY 6 MONTHS AGO

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by beckym, Oct 5, 2019.

  1. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    Missing hockey would be a big one for your grandson !! I guess you have to take the good with the bad at least he misses school :)
     
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  2. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Omg I needed to read all the comments tonight, It was nice to hear stories from others and their lives. I too love cruises but I don’t know about the timing and with little ones. But I hope u have a great trip and maybe it will be nice to get to do something different even if u don’t get off the ship. I also worry about my children and grandchildren seeing me upset but sometimes it’s good just to get a hug from the little ones when u need it and your grown kids too. I think they all understand and they also need hugs from us. I went to my brother in law house for a birthday celebration dinner for him and it was actually very nice to be around my husband’s brother and his wife. They were there for us during all this and it just brings me happiness ( I know that might sound weird) but it makes me feel like he is with me more. He would of enjoyed it. I still cried after but I do that over everything these days. His brother says that he is living every day to the fullest because we found out with my husband that u can’t control death and that’s what my husband would of wanted. So true ❤️
     
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  3. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member


    ( I know that might sound weird)

    None of this sounds weird to me, I totally relate to what you are saying !!
     
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  4. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    I think it would be wonderful to be close enough to be able to see them every day. And your daughter sounds a lot like mine, she has always support me and is willing to listen and talk anytime night or day. Which everyone needs from time to time. Grandchildren are a blessing too because it keeps my mind busy and not dwelling on my issues. So I don’t like to be locked up in my bedroom it’s just too lonely. I keep telling myself just take one day that’s all I can do at this point.
     
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  5. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Yes Cora we can have happiness where we can find it, and yes we cry for not being able to share it with our precious one. Like your brother-in-law said live every day to the fullest. Our loved one will have not died in vain if we can at least take away some life lessons from the sadness and pain we have experienced.
     
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  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Cora, I think it’s great you went to your brother in laws for his birthday. And it brought you happiness, I don’t think it’s weird at all, sounds normal. The statement he made about he’s now living life to its fullest, that’s great too. My brother who is 2 years older then my husband, retired after Ron’s passing. He said it made him take a good look at life and we don’t know when our day will come. He retired so he could enjoy life and his family. That actually made me happy, my husband and I didn’t get to enjoy retirement but my brother is and that feels good. Ron would be happy his retirement came from seeing how vulnerable our lives are. My younger brother cut his work hours back, and his wife said he’s more caring and they’re spending more quality time together. I told him just how caring and loving Ron was to me and he is now more like that. These are good things.
     
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  7. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    I think one of the only good things that happened as a result of my husband's passing is that I no longer fear death. I am not ready to go necessarily but am no longer afraid of it. I was with my husband when he died and I could sense his body closing down, disconnecting and going to the other side and I realized as much as I would miss him, it couldn't be so bad as it brought him peace. He was deliriously calling "Cathy help me" all night, and suddenly it turned to "Mother, help me" and I knew he was on his way. I know this all sounds so morbid. I am sitting here wide awake at 4 am missing him though. I can't stop the tears.
     
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  8. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Good morning Cathy. It does not sound morbid. I think our society should remove the taboo around talking about death, we would not be so overwhelmed when it comes. I, too, had the same experience with my husband...he fought so hard to stay here but in the last few hours I could see him accept, or see, or something and his moment of death was a bringing of peace. And like you said I no longer fear dying. Not in a hurry to go but just not afraid. I have started a file called "My Graduation Party" which contains my funeral arrangements so that the kids don't have that job when I go. The intense sadness, pain, emptiness is enough with out having to do work at that time. Hugs. Have as good a day as you can. The sleepless nights take a toll for sure.
     
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You know Cathy, I agree, I don’t fear it any more either. I hadn’t actually thought of that until just now when I read your post. I wasn’t able to be with my husband like you were. He passed too suddenly, I wish I was with him. We wanted to be with each as we passed, sadly we didn’t get that. But I believe we’ll be together again and he’ll be there waiting for me, just like your husband will be waiting for you and his Mother was there for him.
    I’m sorry you have trouble sleeping, I know all too well about not sleeping. I don’t think I can say Ive had a good night sleep since my husband passed. It’s to hard, nights are awful, they feel wrong and I miss him so, and the tears, like you mention. Then in the morning, the house is so empty and quiet. This new life we’re all in is nothing short of torture. I’m thankful for my little dachshund Ted. He was a surprise gift from Ron, and he gives me a reason to get up each day.
     
  10. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    Thanks for feedback. It is nice to know I am not alone in my feelings. I didn't have too long to be sad and cry because at 6 I had 4 small grandkids jump on me in bed (I am staying with my daughter in LA).
     
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  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Definitely not alone.
    I hope my husband passed peacefully. It keeps me up at night, wondering and hoping my husband wasn’t in horrible pain, I pray he did, the doctor told me he wasn’t in pain, but was he?
    It’s nice you get to spend time with your daughter and grandchildren. My daughter spends a lot of time with me and early Feb we visited my son in FL was a nice visit, warm weather, but the coming home to an empty quiet house was difficult. Still glad we visited though. Jealous you have grandchildren.
     
  12. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    I think we all are in the same boat. I can keep myself busy during the days but nights are terrible but I have my two kitties here that keep me company. They were both spoiled rotten by my husband and now I spoiled them Because I know he would of wanted Me too. Grandchildren are a blessing and I do have such a wonderful son, daughter and son in law thank goodness for kids.
     
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  13. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    An island in the Carrabean that we go to every year wanted to have a farewell to my husband a few months after he died and they planted a tree, and sailed little boats with messages etc. My whole family was there. Somehow when I heard the first song played at the event, one of my husbands favorites, I began to cry and could not stop. I went to sit somewhere quiet so no one else would watch me cry and my kids took over telling speeches etc. Anyway, 4 of my grand children: 10, 9 ,8, and 6 found me and they put their arms around me and hugged me, not solicited. It was the best support I ever got. Later they even asked the cook for plates of food to bring to my bedroom and I hear a knock on the door and they all had plates of food in their little hands. It was wonderful
     
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  14. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    Bittersweet story, thanks for sharing.
     
  15. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing, such a sweet and loving gesture from your grandchildren on such a difficult day. Touching and sad and wonderful all at the same time. So many emotions. ❤️
     
  16. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Wonderful story, children will make your heart melt ❤️❤️
     
  17. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Such sweet support!! Kids are so loving.
     
  18. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    Its the little things that makes me want to go on.
     
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  19. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    I am having a hard day today. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the idle time on my hands. Trying to keep myself busy but sometimes u just run out of things to do. Missing my hubby soooo much.
     
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  20. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    It's the culmination of little things that have always made life worth living, I think I'm now just more aware how important they are ....
     
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