lost eight year old almost two years ago

I feels like it has only been ages days not two years. I ran upon my worst nightmare. How can I have so many people in my life yet I feel all alone? I am not the only one going through the loss of my son while other's hurt with me we do not understand each other at times. I cannot seem to just grieve without extra things to deal with on top of it. Like worrying about upsetting other's that are ok today but if I don't display what is going on they assume I am mad at them. This is just what is going on in my mind today.