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Lost both parents within three days

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by Dr Barb, Aug 16, 2019.

  1. Dr Barb

    Dr Barb New Member

    Right now my heart is heavy it is broken it is aching. My mother died one week ago today as a result of Alzheimer's. Actually she fell on July 4th and fractured her pelvis. Of course when you have dementia that just seems to put it into fast forward. We had just moved my parents from Florida to our home to live with us. We bought a brand new house it was wonderful and have a separate area just for them. My mother had dementia my father had pulmonary fibrosis. We wanted them closer and we were delighted to be able to do this. In may we began our new adventure. And then on July 4th Mom cell. Because of her dementia she wasn't doing well with rehab. She didn't understand and she was often times combative. I finally decided to just go ahead and bring her home. Bring her home with hospice and let her be here with us and with Dad. While she was in the hospital my dad began to have a lot of pain in his rib area and that seemed to continue. He was on oxygen he had lost about 50 lb life was rough but he was so glad to be with us. Dad watch daily as mama was turned and cleaned I know it was hard on him. I've resigned myself that Mama was going to die and for four days she was non-responsive. To use of morphine love and care she continue to survive and she died on Friday a week ago today while I was holding her in my arms lying next to her. The two things she worried most about was my sister who is ill and my father so I whispered in her ears I will take care of Daddy I will take care of sissy now go home and be with Jesus. Within a minute she took her last breath. Daddy's response was good because he knew she was no longer suffering. My focus was so divided at this point caring for Dad helping him cuz he was so weak and needed to be taken to the bathroom and he wasn't eating well etcetera and then taking care of cremation in my own grieving and people coming to visit. Monday morning Dad awakened it was a bad day urinated on himself he was so weak he couldn't walk further than 20 feet without help and always with help. Being distracted with visitors and my pastor coming to visit my husband and I Daddy was alone for a couple hours in his bed. When I went back to check he was dead. We also believe that he took some of his Xanax. Although I'll never exactly know. My daddy was my rock and my refuge he was my joy he was my delight and my gift. 61 years of age you would think I would be able to just handle this so well but it's too hard. Losing both in 3 days. They lived good lives 92 and 93 years old. Their legacy is wonderful. I'd resigned myself and worked into my mama going. But I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Daddy. And so now I ate I hurt who is going to be the person that Revels in my accomplishments? Who's going to be the one that's happy to hear me? Who's going to be the one that says you're my angel you're one in a million? This is what I have a hard time with. Thank you for reading and listening.
    SallyO likes this.
  2. SallyO

    SallyO New Member

  3. SallyO

    SallyO New Member

    Oh honey I’m so sorry. I understand those words you need to hear from your Dad. But if you close your eyes you can hear them. I’m 59 and feel like a fool being such a mess but they were our worlds. My situation is different as my Mom died 25 years ago and my Dad in January. He was the picture of health and life until his current horrible wife rode him into to ground with her constant needing for everything. Insisting he did it all and my Dad was very loyal. I believe he stopped trying in the end to get away from her. Your Dad probably needed to be with your Mom. Try thinking how happy they are together and know one day you will be with them again. Not that it takes away your pain but talk about them all the time. Talk to me or people here. Keep telling people how awesome they were. Keep their love and spirit alive. They are with you. Watch for the signs. They are there. I got my Dads signature saying I love you tattooed on my wrist. Now he’s always there. Helped me but might not be your thing and that’s ok. Just know people here care.
  4. Aurelien

    Aurelien New Member

    It sounds as though you and your husband were their angels as well. I can only send you warm hugs as comfort. Words will come in time to you and you will find so much comfort in the love your parents gave you. Be gentle with yourself the way they were. Meantime I wish you deep peace.