Hey. This is my first time posting anything to a thread of any kind, especially in regards to my parents. It's been really hard for me to talk about so I've just got into the habit of putting on a happy face regardless to how I've really been feeling inside. I'm just now realizing that those actions are now directly affecting me in my adult life. A few days after I had graduated high school, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Of course, she went and got a second and third opinion but those results reflected the first. I was only 17 at the time. I thought that I would be heading off to college but soon realized that that wouldn't be possible because my mother needed me. I watched her suffer for three years, seeing her go from the strongest woman that I've ever known to this woman who couldn't do anything for herself. It was hard. She passed away when I was 20. So for 11 years after that, we (my brothers and sisters) just had my dad. He did everything that he was supposed to do to make sure that we were okay after my mom passed. He was amazing. Then, COVID hit last year. What makes this all so crazy is that I worked as an EMT during the pandemic, being in direct contact with a lot of positive patients and I was fine. I'm not sure of who or why, but my dad ended up getting sick. I took him to the hospital and ended up being the last person to see my dad alive in person. We got to talk to him on the phone and we video chatted him but it's not the same as being able to go visit him in the hospital. He was alone and scared, and he fought. But he never made it home from the hospital. He passed a little over a year ago. I feel lost. Hopeless. I've been trying to cope on my own but it's hard not knowing what to do or where to begin. These behaviors are starting to trickle down to into my personal life and it's starting to affect me in ways I never imagined. But I'm ready to talk about it now.