Lost both parents 3 weeks apart

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by Jaenette, Feb 6, 2020.

  1. Jaenette

    Jaenette Member

    My mother has always been sickly and was diagnosed with heart failure a few years ago. We always thought she would go 1st but when my dad died 1st and unexpectedly I was shocked. He has never been ill really. But the day I saw him and rushed him to the hospital as he had trouble breathing, the thought crossed my mind that he may die, but i shoved that thought to the side as he is a strong man. I have never seen him weak. It was heartbreaking but I tried to be strong for him. He passed away with me there. 3 weeks later I found my mom at home dead. It was a planned visit so when she didnt answer the door my heart sank and i knew she had passed away. I hate that she was alone. We had to break into her home so I could get her. I found her in the bathroom. I have trouble understanding all of this. She was the perfect mom, why would God allow her to die in the bathroom alone. With no one to hold her hand? And life goes on... but how am I supposed. If it wasnt for my son, I would have totally lost it. I cry EVERY DAY, alone mostly. HOw does one make it through this???
  2. I am in very much the same situation. My mother has been ill with Parkinson's for many years but my father passed away in his bathroom all alone very suddenly. My mother followed him 26 days later. Next month it will be a full year since they have passed away and I don't see myself making very much progress. I am still full of grief and find everyday life very challenging.
  3. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Jaenette, and Joanne Marie Christine, So sorry for you both. Losing our parents as I have as well is a hard thing to grasp. They brought us into this world and gave us their undivided love and guided as we grew. You never realize how strong inside both your mom and dad are mentally until their children are in danger some way. They will lay down their lives for us before they will let anything happen to us.

    Whenever you needed a hug, or a kiss or a gentle word or even a correction for being wrong, they were the ones who taught us so many things we now have ingrained in us as adults. Loss no matter who and when is very hard to accept in life. Sometimes bad things happen to us all. There are no rhyme nor reason, and we tend to be troubled by our loss.

    Even when we know a parent is sick, they tend to hide so much from us, to help us cope. I know it tends to infuriate us, but they think what they are doing is the best thing for us. Sure they might get to the point of asking for ask, and we all happily help as best we can.

    All our love for them, all our wishes for them sometimes go unanswered for no other reason than there is no reason. We can question why, but the longer each of us do that, we develop and keep alive inner turmoil that also does us no good. I am not saying accept it, no I am saying once it has happened and we now need to find a way for us to deal with life without them in it.

    We, all three of us, and everyone else who has lost a parent, will hate it, ask ourselves could we have done more and by doing so we are not accepting what has happened. Coping under this cloud of grief we live under is a very harsh reality for us.

    What I took out of life from my parents demise was all the times we had together as I grew. There are so many pictures and videos they took and saved, and all their music, from tapes, vinyls and what not they left for us. I can remember being at home hearing their music fill the air, it was pleasant. My mom use to love to sing to us and I will admit she sang captivatingly. One song, 'Red River Valley' was her favorite. I use to love seeing dad smile as she sang it. This was the song she loved to sing:

    She sang so many more songs but this was the one that use to put a smile on my face and a tear or two in my eyes. I know there are no exact words to help us feel better at these times, but I look inside me for what memories they have brought to me in life.

    It takes time to accept loss. The best you can do is take your days slowly, and each day give it your best effort. I hope you will not give up and surrender. We are all important in life. Take care and Bless you.


    This song is for us all:

    glego likes this.

  5. Thank you so much for your words and the song...I feel better having read your thoughts.
  6. Thank you so much for your words and the song...I feel better having read your thoughts.
  7. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    I can't add anything to what David Hughes posted, other than my condolences and wishing you peace.
  8. Thank you.....next month is their one year anniversary. It will be difficult.
  9. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    You're welcome. Stay connected on this site, keep writing, and even when you don't feel up to it reading other stories will or at least for me I realize I'm not alone in my grief. It helps to be among others on the same road.
  10. Yes...that is very good advice. I will definitely do that....