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Lost and Exhausted

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by missraptor, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. missraptor

    missraptor New Member

    In early July, one of the closest friends I've ever had passed away suddenly. She seemed so healthy, more so than I am, ate well, ran regularly, was happy and good. She had so much life left to live and she was going to do such good things in this world. Then one day she went for a jog, and just.... died. Even after the autopsy, they had no reason to give. 21, beautiful human being just gone... with no explanation. How are you supposed to deal with that? Isn't it bad enough she had to just disappear, but no closure as well? Not even a tiny bit?

    She was more important to me than most of my family, I had a rough childhood so my chosen family is so important to me. I don't love many people, and I have a hard time feeling loved back even if I do, but I loved her and she loved me and we were going to be friends for our whole lives. I guess we were friends our whole lives. I just thought we had more time, I was so sure. But now all I feel is regret.

    We met in college, she ended up transferring to another school a few years later, but there are still so many memories here, I can't focus on any of my classes and I'm exhausted and sad all the time. I've been withdrawn from my friends and my relationship but I'm just so tired.

    I just don't know what to do with all this pain, I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I lost my father when I was 8 (I'm 24 now. My friend passed about a week before my birthday) That loss was devasting but this one is so much worse in some ways. I really didn't know my father as a person, I was so young, and we moved around so much and he worked so there weren't many memories hanging around. With my friend that's so different, I'm drowning in all these happy memories and I wish they brought me comfort but it's just pain instead.
     
  2. Missmyangels

    Missmyangels Active Member

    I'm so sorry about your loss. Any loss of a loved one is painful but to not have any solid reasons why is devasting. All the questions... All the why's... tear us up. I lost my mom suddenly last November. She just collapsed and had a seizure.. multiple seizures actually and she never woke up. She never had a seizure before (she was 71). The hospital didn't do any tests to find a trigger. They wanted to intubate her and fly her to a hospital in the city for further testing but because of her past history we were told if they put her on a ventilator, she would never come off of it. So we decided to keep her where she was and a few days later we signed her on to hospice. A few days after that she was gone. Like you, I have so many questions as to why that happened to her. For the past year I have been beating myself up trying to find the answers to no avail. That's all we want really... Some kind of closure. It's easier to deal with it when we have all the answers. I'm so sorry about your friend and I know how lost you feel. Please know that you are not alone. I'm glad that you found this site and I hope it brings you some peace. Oftentimes reading other people's stories, and knowing that others are going through similar situations, helps us to deal with our own grief. I hope you can find some peace in your heart soon.
     
  3. Jon's mom

    Jon's mom New Member

    This is the worst weekend I have had in a very long time. Often times I ignore the pain or don't think about death of my son. But it got me this time. I have been in bed since Friday. Everytime i get up I feel so bad i go right back. I miss Jon.