Lost and angry

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Joshua Castillo, May 9, 2019.

  1. Joshua Castillo

    Joshua Castillo New Member

    I might be the last person who should be on this page as this didn't directly impact me but I feel this story needed to be shared as I am at a loss on what to do for the woman I love. I live out in Texas and I was hoping to get some insight from you about a situation my girlfriend is dealing with. At the end of April she was at her friend's dorm at Saint Edward's university to study her friend is a lesbian and lives with her partner which my girlfriend is too friends with. On the Thursday before good Friday one her friend Ezmay went to the bathroom to "shower " and after some time her partner and my girlfriend go and check up on her only to find her dead in the bathtub. She cut her wrists. They called 911,took her to the hospital but there wasn't anything they could do to save her. The following day week when returning to school when people found out the only thing they could say was "suicide is a sin ", she deserved it and many other harsh remarks.Ms Ezmay was here in the country alone with her family living in Mexico as well as she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and with any mental disorder it is key to get professional help and to take medication. Her insurance company stopped providing coverage of her medication and then university counselor didn't help her either. I didn't know her personally in fact all this information is from my girlfriend who is devastated by the whole ordeal. She's traumatized to see her friend who she knew for bloody and lifeless in front of her. But mostly she's Mad she's mad at her Ezmay for being so selfish,she's mad at the people for the insensitive and flat out cruel remarks about her now dead friend,she's just mad at everyone and everything and I was hoping you could give me some advice on the best way to help her cope with her loss. I would really appreciate some insight and I look forward to hearing from you soon
    Sincerely Joshua Castillo
     
  2. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Hello Joshua,

    Leave it to the bible thumpers,
    and other such idiots. I too have
    heard that but I have been quite
    depressed at times so I can feel
    and understand what she was
    going through to some extent.

    I have also lost and was deeply
    saddened by it and was told,
    "Satan is pulling you down."
    I lose a great friend and am down in the dumps and it is due to Satan?

    Like I need to hear that? My Mom
    and Dad are very much into the
    Catholic church and Satan is a
    term fairly often said. I frankly
    don' t carry theirs views and if
    someone is so ' down' they kill
    themself, I think it a real shame.

    There are those who want to brag
    about ' Being close to God' by
    getting into the bible, but it is all
    a sham or a crock of bs. We should
    have compassion for others, and there is NO compassion when those
    people said," suicide is a sin."

    I do not know, maybe it is a sin but
    we are all sinners, and those
    who dump on a person who took their life, well to me they are the
    kind of people I would not want to chum with at all.

    Sucb people are like the pharisies,
    they knew God's word but did not
    carry God in their heart.
     
  3. Joshua Castillo

    Joshua Castillo New Member

    I really appreciate your words of understanding. Its frustrating for me to hear that the system failed this poor young woman. To suffer from a mental illness and not have the medication you need is inexcusable. To have a university Counselor only be there for the paycheck and not truly help their patients is inexcusable. I feel for my girlfriend who is taking the brunt of all the hate and isolating herself emotionally with school and it pains me for her. I never knew her friend at all but from me looking in at the situation I can only try to imagine what she's going through. I try not to bring up the topic out of respect and try to just talk to her normally but I also feel like I need to open that conversation up for her to heal. So she can cope however I'm at that crossroads where im not sure how to best help her though this. Is there any advice you could give to help her cope with this loss?
     
  4. Kim Self

    Kim Self New Member

    So I jumped in this thread because the thread was loss and anger. I lost my grandma and she was my best friend. Yes she had a wonderful long life and passed at 93. I can understand when people say she had a good life, I accept that at 93 - yes she did. But DAMN it still hurts and the pain is gut wrenching. I find myself angry but I'm not sure at what or who?
     
    Joshua Castillo likes this.
  5. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    I think all I can say and it is because I too am grieving the loss of my dainty and loving wife of 1 yr and 76 days is that I am gratefull to God for the good times,Sofia's love for me, the short but wonderful marriage and all our times together.
     
  6. Joshua Castillo

    Joshua Castillo New Member

    I'm sorry for your loss Ray. Love is the one thing I believe breaks all the rules of time. No matter how long you known that person the love you have will never fade. In the love you have for Sofia will always remain and it's important to allow yourself to grieve and keep her memory present in your life. I've heard stories of families,churches,friends all trying to make the person in mourning "move on" and there is no such thing as that. To move forward yes, but to move on is never possible. To move forward is to be able to be at peace knowing you'll see them in another life and to be able to look back at the good times without the overwhelming feeling of sadness but joy at what you were able to do in the time you were together. Mourning has no time period no deadline it can take months or years to be at a place of peace never let anyone try to dictate when your morning should stop despite their intentions. I can only imagine how amazing Sofia was. it sounds like two have something truly special and I phrase that in the present tense because although she left this world her soul is never truly gone.
     
  7. Joshua Castillo

    Joshua Castillo New Member

    First I would like to send my condolences for the loss of your grandmother. I know it's difficult to lose someone despite age,or relation. It's ok to be angry. Many times when someone lost a loved on they try their best to make the person grieving happy and with that many times the person can't mourn properly because they're being pressured to feel a certain way which in return causes them to get angry . Angry at how everyone says the same thing but don't really seem to get what you're going through with that. To release that anger talk to a close friend,family you feel most comfortable talking and or your significant other. i feel talking about how you're feeling will help you find the root on why you're angry and where to go from there.
     
  8. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much Joshua,
    Very kind and true words there.

    I am presently very angry and bitter because her brother who
    no one hardly ever saw for yrs
    at a time stuck his nose in our
    business and everything went to
    hell after that.

    I know Sofia will always be with
    me and that I will see her again someday.

    In the meantime I need to get rid
    of an awfull lot of anger and
    resentment.

    Thank you very much Joshua.