My friend and I had a complicated relationship, we were friends but also more than that. We understood each other on a deeper, more spiritual level and thats something that is so hard to find. We both have gone through many, many things in our lives especially loss, but we always stuck by each others sides no matter what. I always stuck by his side through out his addiction. This last year he went to a long term rehab and was released in June. He started talking weird a few weeks after and i knew right away he had relapsed. I did not get mad at him, I just pointed out that he was acting the way he does when he is high, i did not directly accuse him but he told me the truth. Since the drugs began to take over his mind he started talking about us dating and saying things like "you never loved me" or "you don't care about me". I did my best to explain to him that for there to be any chance of us being together in the future, i could only be his friend at this time because that is what he needed, whether he realized it or not. He did not agree/like that i said that and started getting so angry and just saying so many things and for the first time since i met him he said things that genuinely hurt me. After days of him freaking out on me i decided i may need to cut him off. Not only for my own well-being, but his too. In my head i thought that maybe me being in his life was too confusing for him and that maybe it wasn't doing him any good. So, that day i cut him off for the first time. Two weeks after that day, on august 2nd, i found out he overdosed and died. I've lost so many people in my life to death, mostly family which includes my mother, but this is the most difficult thing i have ever had life throw at me. I feel like it completely my fault. I feel like i failed him in every way possible. He needed me and i wasn't there. I dont know how to handle this. Its been almost 3 months and every single day just gets more and more difficult. He was my rock in this world and whenever I felt this way he was the only person i wanted to talk to and now i cant and I dont know what to do.