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Lost a loved one to addiction

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by Rosanna Rizzo, Jan 3, 2019.

  1. Rosanna Rizzo

    Rosanna Rizzo Member

    I don’t know where to start or if I’m in the right place to start.
    It’s been 6 weeks and I found my boyfriend gone on my kitchen floor. Actually my oldest daughter found him first but never entered the home after she saw he was laying on the ground. I didn’t even know he was struggling, we were in a good place. We have known each other for 20 plus years... we lost connection over some years but we found a way back to each other.
    I talk to friends and family I just don’t think they know what to say or do..
    some days I feel better but then the next I feel like my world is forever changed and I don’t know how to get back to myself again.
    I feel alone and hopeless
    TracyLynn likes this.
  2. Rachel501

    Rachel501 New Member

    Hi. I'm going thru the very same thing! My boyfriend of 5 years overdosed on 12/9/18 16 days shy of his 33rd birthday. I found his body in our bed. I don't know how to BE without him. I can't stay in the apartment we had, so I'm moving and having to pack all of his things up....just seems wrong, like I'm tryna erase him! I still can't measure the time in weeks I'm still counting in days. I feel so lost and alone.
    TracyLynn likes this.
  3. Rosanna Rizzo

    Rosanna Rizzo Member

    I’m so sorry.... I know the pain you are going thru
    I thought of moving too but I didn’t because honestly this is where he belonged and that makes me feel closer to him
    I do understand you have to, trust me I know
    Till this day I have not gotten rid of his belongings and I don’t think I can right now... is that right or wrong? I don’t know but it’s my way of coping
    You have to do what works for you and there is no wrong way
    Thank you for reaching out
    I hope we will be a peace one day
  4. Rachel501

    Rachel501 New Member

    His sister TOOK some things but other than that I have everything. It is so hard to put the man I love in a box and close it up. I miss him so much
  5. Rosanna Rizzo

    Rosanna Rizzo Member

    I know what you mean.....
    I have pictures of my boyfriend all around my house because that is what makes me feel good
    I keep thinking of the things we should be doing and what we loved to do together
    It’s not easy losing the men we loved very much
    I miss him terribly and I don’t know how to get thru it
    You have to do what helps you get thru every day
    It’s not easy I know...
  6. Rachel501

    Rachel501 New Member

    I carry his ashes with me wherever I go he is with me. I place a picture of him on his pillow at night so he's still next to me. I love him so very much and tried so hard to save him from himself, now all I have are our memories, and the plans we had for our life together. I'm so lost without him I don't know how to live without him. no one understands. They've never had to put their lives back together when the pieces don't fit anymore. It's so hard to come home knowing he isn't there, to go to the grocery store and only shop for 1. Our entire lives are forever changed!
    Cathryn likes this.
  7. Rosanna Rizzo

    Rosanna Rizzo Member

    I know the feeling.... I don’t have his ashes, his mom does but she said I could have some and I will be getting some. He used to wear beanie hats all the time and that is what I sleep with every night, it’s whatever makes us get thru it
    We do try to save them but that decease they had is a tough one.
    I hope you are talking to a therapist, I am and it helps a little to understand how they think
    We will never 100% know but it does help to talk... I am also always available to talk to you
    Him and I used to love cooking together... we had fun with it... I haven’t been able to cook sense he’s been gone.... if you haven’t noticed I can’t say his name either... it’s hard for me
    And tomorrow is his birthday....
    we will never forget....
  8. Rachel501

    Rachel501 New Member

    His birthday was Christmas...I'll never have another Christmas. I've thought about therapy, just haven't been able to give myself that push yet. It hurts to even see his name to say it makes me cry....
  9. Rosanna Rizzo

    Rosanna Rizzo Member

    I know I can’t say his name either.... it’s always his or him
    I know it’s tough to even get out of bed....
    I do talk to a therapist and it does help it’s like talking to someone who actually understands
    I think I’ll be going forever
    It’s very hard to understand why this happened to us.....
    It’s a disease that we will never understand
    It took our loved ones away from us
    It also helps to read books about the disease they had
    I know everyday is a struggle....
  10. Katiebug17

    Katiebug17 Member

    Our stories are very similar! I lost my fiance of 4 years on June 21st, 2019 . Heroin took him away. I came home from work and found his lifeless body on the floor . I remember feeling every emotion humanly possible as I was screaming for him to wake up . I sat on the floor holding his hand waiting for help to arrive. In that exact moment I knew my life had completely changed. I'm 8 months pregnant almost 2 months into my journey of grief and I can honestly say it hasn't gotten any better . I know he is in a better place no longer suffering from the terrible demons of addiction but, I feel so hurt and alone. It is the absolute worst wanting something in your heart that you know you will never get. My thoughts and prayers are with you . You have an angel watching over you.
  11. Sammyd1223

    Sammyd1223 New Member

    I lost my husband to alcoholism and drugs after 25 years of marriage. He was a force larger than life and I truly loved him and did every thing I could to save him but he left me with so much responsibility and loss. Even after 6 months people still tell me how much they miss him. It makes things harder on me. And what we all share is that no one around us seems to understand what we’re going through.
  12. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Hello all! Losing another is such a terrible thing. When it happens from what we perceive as preventable sometimes words are almost impossible to find on how to express ourselves.

    While there are many forms of addictions, sometimes the common results of use is beyond anything we deem humanly possible. Sure we feel helpless to how we move forward, or even how we move beyond our loss.

    I will be blunt. I used to smoke, more as what I thought was something to look cool about, and then as time passed as a crutch of sooth myself, to keep my weight down. Like a fool I had started smoking because of what it meant, I could be the Marlboro man, I could escape police calls in the military.

    Eventually smoking was no longer fun, it was a habit, costly no less in so many ways. I noticed I found it harder to catch my breath at times. My fingers were discolored at times, my clothes smelled, the house of my family permeated of the smoke. Then one day my four year old son came up to me and said, “Daddy please stop smoking.”

    I had no good answer for him. I did see the innocent look in his eyes. I remember losing my dad to lung cancer, he had smoked all his life, it was almost impossible to get beyond. So even though I had tried to quit smoking so many times in the past, there was just something inside me that finally clicked.

    I made that effort, I stuck with it and as hard as it was I quit. As time passed, now over 35 years ago, all the bad things had disappeared. So even though I may not have been defeated by addiction, my son made me realize how life was so important, not just to me, but to others.

    For all those who have lost someone they knew, someone they loved, I understand, I wish I could take that hurt away. But I will forever be grateful for me righting my life.

    There is nothing so powerful as words from a loved one. I hope each of you will find some peace forward. Just know I understand your loss.

  13. Tisay Jedi

    Tisay Jedi New Member

    Hello Rosanna,
    Your loss mirrors mine in so many ways. In my case he was my ex-husband who I reached out to 28 years later. As soon as we reunited we were madly, deeply, passionately in love. He was able to hide his alcohol addiction at first, because I was so blinded from actually having him back, the only man I truly ever loved. First contact was October 28, 2019, first physical meeting was November 7, 2019. By December 19, 2020, I had quit my job of 9 years, left Las Vegas (where I had lived 24 years), and my brother & mother, and packed up my belongings to drive 1460 miles to Houston, TX to live my fairy tale life with the man of my dreams. By this move I knew he had a drinking problem, but I didn't know how bad. I still believed (as he wanted me to believe) once we got settled, he would get better with my support. On January 11, 2020, I woke to a Houston rain storm and found him deceased on the couch.
    He was not originally from Texas and I was not originally from Las Vegas. We both grew up in a small town north of Chicago, which is where we called 'home'. He had ended up in Texas because he had married again and had a daughter. He had been divorced from the 2nd wife for 5 years now. In the short time we were together, I had found out how lonely, depressed, and beaten down he was, especially in the last year. He had lost his job about a year back, which was the last of a series of losses. During the last year he had slowly alienated everyone, stayed alone in his home, and was drinking himself to death. His ex-wife was evil incarnate, as she came around the day after he died and kicked me out of his house (there is a whole long nightmare that she caused that added to my grief but not going to go into). I had lost EVERYTHING in a months time. I knew no one, I had no one, I had no job, no home, and very little money. He had money, but I had no rights to any of it. He hadn't had enough time to take care of those things.
    I ended up back in Vegas (where I never wanted to have to go back to). I have been barely living on a small 401K account I cashed out. I saw a grief therapist for awhile (until I couldn't afford it) who diagnosed me with 'Disenfranchised Grief and PTSD'. I have been fighting NV Unemployment for over 2 months now. And that is been backed up because of this Corona Virus. I have been trying to make important decisions, in spite of my pain, grieving. I am not in the best living circumstances, either. I keep waiting for my sanity, will to live, or broken heart to just give up. But what keeps me going-He's in my heart and I'm doing what we would have done if he were with me. I had a 'Celebration of Life' back in our hometown and it couldn't have turned out better. The support I received is priceless and boundless. I'm going to move there to live out the rest of my life. I never would have reached out to my hometown if it weren't for him. He told me he wanted to move back there before he died. I lost him, but he is looking after me leading me to the love and support of our friends. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still am in terrible pain, and angry, and now, also scared, but I'm not giving up. Hang on, you are stronger than you know. Tina