Lost a 20 yrs old Special Needs son

My son Joey passed away Aug 10, 2017 from all of suddenly HLH (autoimmune disease). I was his caregiver for 20 years. Both my husband and I are deaf and our daughter Jenna 25 yrs old is hearing same as Joey but he sign. When he was born he has Multiple health issues. After he passed away I was ok but then I lost it. I miss him so very much. He is miss by so many pple. I have hard time going moving forward but slowly I am each day. I have hard time writing this but I wrote on fb and I will put on this what I wrote on it.

Hi I’ve been wanting to write this for awhile. Please no sympathy or negatives. This coming Aug will be 2 years since Joey went home. This has been very hard on us lately. I’ve been keeping quiet and pretending I’m ok which I’m not. I say I’ll be ok but inside my body is not. I miss Joey so much that it hurts. Joey was the key to our family. When we are down he has a way to make us all smile. When Jenna was going through the rough time Joey pick up what was left to make her smile n calm her down. Everything change when he went home to Heaven. We were expecting it but that suddenly no. I was suppose to save his life again no sympathy or negatives just let me get it out of my system. I was suppose to save his life like I did in 2012 but this time I couldn’t cuz of his organs was shutting down it was time for him to go home. We didn’t get to finish his journey. I was angry n I was hurting but hurting of what that of all the pple that Joey touch is hurting I left a hole in their heart. Again no sympathy or negatives. Nothing the same. Everything change. Now that it’s going to be 2 years that this month n next month n October we have family graduation 2 family wedding that it will be a new chapter of our life meaning just me by going to the bridal shower and us going to the graduation party n just realize there no Joey. Luckily I have Joe and Jenna but I hurt them too. They misses him too. They keep telling me you did everything you can and it was time for him to go home in God arms. Just like the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 For I have plans for you. I haven’t even gone back to church cuz the seat is empty next to me n that’s hard I will get there. I know the pple from church misses him also. I know no excuse and again no negatives or sympathy. What I’m getting at is everyone mom dad brothers sisters grandparents aunts uncles LIFE IS TOO SHORT spend every minutes, hours with your family or friends. I haven’t even found myself yet of who I am. It’s frustrating. All I can do is try my best to spend time with my husband Joe and Jenna whom I love so very much. We have a lot to catch up. I do my best to be here for them and I will continue to be there for them when they need me because that what wife and mom is all about and I encourage Joe to spend as much time with his mom as again life is too short and same for Jenna. They are my life and I will do everything to get better on my own way with no counseling or psychiatrist involves (bad experience) don’t ask only God knows. Eventually I will be ok. May God Blessed you all. Jenna and Joe I love you both so very much ❤️⭕️❌⭕️❌