*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

Loss to Glioblastoma brain cancer

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Beada, Oct 15, 2018.

  1. Beada

    Beada New Member

    My Mom was diagnosed with Glioblastoma stage 4 in April 2017 and given 6 to 9 months. My Mom and I had a distant relationship as she threw me out of the house at the age of 16. I wasn't a bad kid she simply was done raising me. So when she was diagnosed, me and my sisters came together to take care of her. I moved her in with me a couple of months into her diagnoses. At first it was a struggle as I'm married, have one son and work full-time. In the beginning she was still able to take care of herself. So I would get her up in the morning, give her her medication and off to work I would go. I would come home for lunch and then back to work. Sometimes she was able to cook and would surprise me with dinner. One day there was grapes mixed in the rice and I knew she should not be cooking anymore (lol). I went from talking to her on the phone twice a month to seeing her everyday. She was a hand-full to say the least. But I enjoyed seeing her everyday, talking to her everyday. She seemed to revert to a child yet I realized she was raised completely different than I was. I learned she came from an abusive home something I didn't know was her Mom also threw her out at 16. She treated her daughters exactly how she was treated. During the time she was with me I learned she truly loved me and was proud of me. Something I never really felt. One day I woke up to find her in the bathroom where she had been all night because it was "warm in there like the beach". I had to put her in a skilled nursing facility for 2 weeks then she came back home and started hospice care. My husband and I argued about me staying home so I could care for my Mom full-time and I didn't care, I did what I needed to do and stayed with her. I watched her deteriorate a little everyday. I read to her, I fed her, I changed her all with the help of hospice. She was in hospice a full month before she passed away on May 20, 2018. My Mom survived a little over a year from her diagnosis. It's been almost 5 months and I miss her so much more every day that goes by. My home seems extra quite. I haven't cleaned out her room and find myself not wanting to. To me that will always be "her room". I know I need to put her things away but I just can't do it. It's weird because at the time she passed I was happy for her. She was no longer in pain and I knew she went home to be with the Lord. At her funeral I was all smiles with happy tears and some people looked at me like I lost my mind. I would simply tell them she was finally home and pain-free. A month later I broke down and all I could do was cry. I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't work. I couldn't talk to my husband or son. I just cried. I miss her so much. I know I have to take it one day at a time. Some days are harder than others. Today is one of the hard days. I signed up for this site a few weeks ago, but today is the first time I've posted. Thanks for allowing me to share my story.
     
  2. AmandaS

    AmandaS Member

    Oh Beada, I am so sorry for your loss. Your story made me tear up. My mom died 7 weeks ago. I too had a distant relationship with her until she became very ill and spent 6 weeks in the hospital two years ago. I flew to Michigan and was there all day every day for those 6 weeks, and for 2 weeks of rehab after that and moved her into a senior living apartment so she wouldn't be alone (she couldn't make it out to Hawaii where I live, and she needed specialists she couldn't get out here). It was difficult at first but after flying out several times a year, including another hospital and rehab stay in September, and talking to her most days after that we became really close. In the last year, I felt like I finally had the mother I always wanted. She was so kind and thoughtful even though her health was a constant struggle and she was often in pain. We had a wonderful time when I visited in June and she seemed to be doing so much better - we took an overnight trip to Toledo to go to the art museum there (something I never imaged she would feel up to do doing) and just had fun together. It was such a surprise when she died. I think I was in shock for most of the trip to Michigan for the service and family and sorting everything out. I now cry pretty much all day every day. Nobody seems to understand why it is so hard for me. I guess I don't understand it either but I'm trying to be gentle with myself. Your story helps me feel less alone. Thank you so much for sharing.
     
  3. Beada

    Beada New Member

    Hi Amanda, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone but I know exactly what you are feeling. I started seeing a therapist 2 months ago and she suggested I find an online grief site. Today was a big step for me and you are the 1st to respond. Thank you for that. Take it day by day and don't worry what others think or don't understand. Bottom line if you haven't experience any kind of loss, you won't understand. A friend of mine gave me a simple notebook for a journal and a purple pen (my favorite color). She told me to write in it when I'm missing her, draw a picture, write a bible verse or just a thought. I carry it with me in my purse and pull it out when I think of her. I write her letters, tell her the weather, I've drawn pictures for her and have written bible verses. It really helps. Take care and thanks again for sharing your story.
     
  4. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your mother. Good for you for taking in your mother despite having been estranged for so long. It is interesting to learn things about our parents - like the abuse your mother suffered by her own mother. It gives us insight into why they did the things they did. I think it is not uncommon for people to be "okay" during a funeral, but then break down sometime afterward. You will never "get over" the loss, but hopefully you will eventually be able to adapt.
     
  5. Beada

    Beada New Member

    Thank you, that means a lot.
     
  6. AmandaS

    AmandaS Member

    Thank you for the support and the suggestion of keeping a journal. I actually brought home some of my moms notebooks - she decorated the covers but they are empty. All best.
     
    griefic likes this.