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Loss of spouse

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Kay Bob, Nov 19, 2020.

  1. Kay Bob

    Kay Bob Member

    It’s been a month.I know he’ll not be back. I still have his empty chair beside me.
     
  2. Kay Bob

    Kay Bob Member

    Does anyone have any words for me?
     
  3. Dee Kay

    Dee Kay Active Member

    Hi Kay, I posted on your other thread. So sorry for your loss, losing your spouse is not easy, it's one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in this life. I have not moved anything of my husband's except some tools that were in the way and that made me break down. I leave an empty cup with his tea bag (unused) in it beside his chair cuz he loved tea and I feel like we're having our tea together, something we did throughout the day. The way I've gotten through is just step by step, one day, then the next and eventually the rawness subsides somewhat. I talk to my husband, I know he's gone, but I just believe he's somewhere else and can hear me. Take care of yourself, remember to eat, wash yourself, look at the birds outside and breath. I did seek out a counselor at the 1 week mark but she didn't help at all so after 3 more weeks I found this site where I just read other people's stories to know I wasn't alone and that some of the things I was doing or experiencing are in fact similar to what others go through in their grief. My heart goes out to you.
     
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I posted on your other thread too. I’m so sorry, I feel your pain. I have an empty chair too. And haven’t moved the things Ron put down, his iPad is still sitting where he put it down that night, on the arm of his chair. His shoes are where he left them. It’s the last things he’s touched so there’s meaning or comfort in not touching them. I had to go in our shop and see the last things he was working on and where he placed his tools on his last day of work. That was terribly hard to see and I had to move every single thing, because I had to close our business. Life is hard and nothing resembles what we had, so we need to take baby steps and try to get through each moment don’t think far ahead, our minds and bodies aren’t up to it. But he is a part of you, you helped mold each other into the people you turned out to be. He’s in your heart forever. And he wants nothing but the best for you. I get through difficult times by thinking of what Ron would say to me. We’ve all been with our spouses long enough, we know what they would say to us. And that gives me comfort.
    You will find that people on this site are caring and understanding. No one judges. Sometimes it takes time to get replies. My first post, no one answered for over a week. But then someone wrote me and communications started. I find this site very helpful, I believe you will too.
    God Bless!
     
  5. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss. My husband of 32 years passed in January 2018. I still have his chair beside mine. It is comforting. With the Holidays approaching the void seems to be expanding. I have good days, bad days and then very bad days. I try to dwell in the good memories remembering the good times we ha with a smile and sometimes a tear. I'm hoping you find peace.
    Take care of yourself
    -Mary
     
  6. cmfrynm

    cmfrynm Member

    There really are no words. It just plain hurts down to your soul. It's been 4 months and there are things that I just can't do yet. Keep in mind that there will come a time when you can. I understand that, just can't do yet. You do have my sympathy and empathy for your loss. Most important give yourself time and compassion (yes give yourself compassion) you need both.
     
  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Kay, for me it's been month also and I'm feeling everything you are now. But what I'm really feeling is the grief is so profound at times I can't stand it, I hate feeling this way and I can't control it. My mind says, "What do I do with the rest of my life?".

    I read a book by Frances Fuller, "How to help yourself grow old". After she lost her husband she said to herself, "I will live with a purpose". Have a plan and a goal you can achieve. I know it's too soon to have a purpose for me, but those words stick in my mind every day and I'm hoping a purpose will arise for me and a purpose for all of you too.
     
    Mary0128 likes this.