Loss of parent

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by JackieR, May 15, 2019.

  1. JackieR

    JackieR Member

    I recently lost my mother to COPD. I lost both of my dog as well during my mothers decline in health. I am really struggling as my family at home is not a viable source of support. They deal with death very differently than I do. I am a very emotional person and they dont quite know how to handle it. My mother was a single parent to me all my life and she was also an alcoholic. When her COPD progressed to the point that we knew the end was close I followed her wishes and kept her at home where she wanted to be. She lived with me for the past 7 years. We did home hospice and I was her cargiver. My siblings were estranged from her for many years so I was alone in caring for her. We started home hospice on a saturday and she passed the following thursday. I have really struggled with her passing as I have never lost someone this close to me before. I am struggling with the fact that the last for days of her life were so unbelievably hard to watch and it now haunts me. I feel very alone and dont know what to do with all my emotions. I have been in a relationship with a gentleman for over nine years who is very good to me. He has three kids 2 are adults and a 15 year old. I am unbelievably hurt as I have always been there for these kids when they went through some really bad situations. It has broke my heart as they claimed to care about me so much but I have never heard a word from them when and since my mom passed. I never realized someone not acknowledging what I am going through could hurt so much. I also am struggling with the fact that my mother destroyed her health willingly. I constantly have the question in my mind why wasnt I enough to make her happy and love life. She hated life and couldnt destroy herself fast enough no matter who it hurt. I am so lost alone and broken right now.
     
  2. Renisea Avery

    Renisea Avery Member

    I want to give my condolence to the family. I am so sorry for the lost of your love one.
    May the peace of God that excels all thought I sustain and keep you during the difficult days head. – Philippians 4:7
     
  3. JackieR

    JackieR Member

    Thank you.
     
  4. riverinohio

    riverinohio Member

    I am sorry for what you are going through. The choices that your mom made are sad and unfortunate but they have nothing to do with you so be kind to yourself. It sounds like she was depressed and just because you are her daughter doesn't mean you can save her from that. She had to get that help herself and be open to it. When someone passes we play the "should have, could have" game and it doesn't work. Please be kinder to yourself. You helped your mom when she needed it the most. I have also found when someone passes sometimes society treats you like you have a problem or an illness. You learn who your real friends are. Its a terrible lesson to learn. I was a caregiver of my dad and I learned my siblings were no where to be found when I was exhausted and broke down. They didn't care. You are strong and rise above the messy family drama. You are not alone.
     
  5. JackieR

    JackieR Member

    I agree you find out who your real friends are for sure. So many people have said I am here for you but where are they? Most of the time I feel extremely alone. Im aware that im not taking this well so I have reached out for professional help. Un fortunately half of my appointments got cancelled. Its so frustrating. Everyone is telling me the want me back to the person I was before that thwy dont like seeing me this way. They say I dont do any of the things I enjoy doing anymore. Im trying really hard. It just not easy. Thanj you for listening it helps.
     
  6. riverinohio

    riverinohio Member

    We have a lot in common. I too reached out for help but the agency I called never even called me back. In my area its difficult to find one on one grief counseling. Everything is in a group and I am not into that. What usually happens too is that in the beginning people are there for you and then you find yourself alone. Your loss is a recent loss so you will not feel like doing much. It's normal and understandable. I am very weepy so I am not great company. I too have had a lot of health issues that I think have been caused from stress. Try not to put pressure on yourself to be what others want you to be, just take care of yourself and take your time to grieve your loss. I am trying to cope too and boy its beyond difficult. I have been listening to a few podcasts on grief and it has helped me.
     
  7. JackieR

    JackieR Member

    Its hard everyone knows im struggling but nobody comes to see me to give me that hug at times i so desperately need one. I have put my heart out and have expressed how I feel but nobody ever comes. I so need someone to just give me that hug while I cry so i dont feel so alone but yet om still alone.
     
  8. riverinohio

    riverinohio Member

    I am so sorry Jackie. I am sure grief counseling will help you. I will say though for me I don't count on any hugs because I know I won't get any either. It was extremely lonely going to the hospital countless times with dad all alone. I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I did it all and it was horrible to do it all alone but my dad needed me and I just had to do it. I learned to not count on anyone and just put one foot in front of the other. Hang in there. Give yourself time and the tears and emotions are overwhelming. I am still a mess. Blessings to you.
     
  9. JackieR

    JackieR Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry foe youe loss. I never imagined this would be so hard. I really rhought once she passed she wouldnt wouldnt be fighting her demons anymore and she would be at peace thereforw I would be at peace but I was so wrong.