Loss of my husband my soulmate my true love can't move forward

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Alyse Castle, Nov 14, 2018.

  1. Alyse Castle

    Alyse Castle New Member

    I lost my husband and soulmate a month ago I can't function I have no family nobody to talk to. And very few friends because we did everything together. I am lost. I don't want to eat I can't do anything. I'm like a slug. Ever since my soulmate passed I haven't moved off the couch I know this is not good but I don't know what to do I'm not computer savvy and it's telling me to upload a thread and I have no idea what this is
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Alyse, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think your experience is something so many grievers can relate to. This is all so very new and it can be hard to know how you're supposed to go on after such a significant loss. We don't get to practice for this, and there is no guidebook of what we're supposed to do. For most I find the only thing that helps is reaching out and connecting with those who understand. Even without a close circle of friends, plenty of people can find good support through bereavement groups in their area or through a faith community. I'm also hoping you can find some of that support on our site, we are here to help~
     
  3. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your husband. You did fine posting your story. There are many here who have lost spouses. Hopefully, some of them will read your post and reach out to you. I hope you find this site helpful.
     
  4. lulubell

    lulubell New Member

    Hello Alyse,
    I lost my husband suddenly 6 weeks ago and I understand your pain. My husband and I were loners and we had no friends or close family. I have 4 brothers that have been great support but 3 out 4 live out of state. I wasn't sleeping or eating either so I went to see my doctor who gave me something to help with sleep and although I am eating now just not us much as usual.

    I joined a grief support group that meets once a week and that helps a little but I still feel so lonely. I work full time and that helps keep my mind occupied but when the end of work my day comes near I get that sick feeling and I don't want to go home to my empty house and will find literally any excuse to run errands just to avoid being home.

    I'm looking for a friend(s) myself and would love to chat sometime.
     
  5. SKE

    SKE New Member

    Alyse and Lulubell -

    I lost my husband two weeks ago - he was sick for over 5 years so gradually our circle closed down to just us, our daughter, and our grandchildren. I went to all the hospital stays, the office visits and spent the last 13 days of his life travelling to a doctors's appointment, spending 6 days in an Atlanta hospital, came home for 4 days (they called the ambulance for him on day 4) and 3 days watching him struggle for every breath. I've been so busy caring for him, I don't know what to do with myself - I'm just numb - I function at work - dread coming home at night - I don't know how to fill the hours I was spending with him every evening. I'm so thankful he's not in pain anymore, but I just miss his smile, we held hands every night falling asleep.
     
  6. lulubell

    lulubell New Member

    SKE, I'm so sorry for your loss and I understand what you mean about not wanting to go home but, it has gotten a little easier. Yesterday being Thanksgiving was difficult I went to my brothers so it helped to be out but I couldn't shake the sadness. Thanksgiving was a big deal to us we used to cook together all day and watch Christmas movies all night. I miss my husbands smile ans dimples! I miss everything about him even the irritating things I would give my right arm to be irritated again!! I'm dreading Christmas and wish I could sleep through the holidays.
     
  7. Alyse, Lulubell and SKE. When you have built your life around your partner, it is easy to feel cut off when they die. I lost my husband of nearly 50 years last December after being hospitalised for about 3 months. We each felt like half of a whole. Because I was much younger, he made it very clear that he wanted me to continue to enjoy life, but it is very hard. I am lucky in some respects, because when we moved to Tasmania, Australia 13 years ago I wanted to feel a part of the local society, and became involved as a volunteer, a quilter, a gardener and with a shoemaking group. The friendships I made meant I had people around me who cared, but doesn't stop the pain. My worst times are morning and dinner time. I used to get up first and take a walk. By the time I returned, my husband had made the morning tea. We went back to bed, and I read aloud for an hour. It was such a wonderful way to begin the day. At the beginning I actually made a cup of tea and went back to bed with the cat, and read aloud to him and me. And dinner, which we always worked on together, is empty and soulless. Even after nearly a year I don't enjoy cooking or eating (though I have gotten my appetite back). So it's just me, the cat on my lap, and the TV.
     
  8. I feel the same..was crazy busy after my husband passed..4 months ago..went back to work a few weeks later..when my "busy" wound down...cuz I got too depressed..started going to the bar after work cuz I didn't want to go home...trying to wit smoking so I joined a gym instead of going to the bar..xmas making it more depressing..im babbling
     
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  10. You sound just like me...
     
  11. The loss of companionship and ritual is hard...my husband passed 4 months ago..i have the dog and 2 cats and my 18 year old at home...she is creating her own life so it's lonely around here most of the time..i go to work but don't want to go home
     
  12. I'm not surprised you don't want to go home, but I don't have much in the way of suggestions. I know that if I had a dog instead of Fred the Cat, that I would be walking the dog and taking every opportunity to chat with passersby or other dog-walkers. Where we are there is a great dog park, and lots of folk seem to know one another, although, for all I know, only as "Rover's Mom". If I had a dog it would not only force me to walk at least twice a day, but the dog might well help me build a network of people I see, and maybe that would lead to a stop for coffee. But there is not a dog in my future, and walking the cat (Fred does have a harness, but have you ever tried walking a cat?) isn't quite the same, especially when he slips to the ground and lets me just pull him along (behind me) till I realise what he has done. I've gotten the most useful help when feeling down or alone if I let my friends and acquaintances know that I'm feeling pretty low, and not pretending that everything is ok. So last week a neighbor of mine (also a widow) and I got together and watched a movie. It was nice to be able to share an evening with someone.
     
  13. SKE

    SKE New Member

    All,

    I am so glad we are sharing our feelings here! Marian, I love your comment about the cat - I can just see you pulling him along!!! Zoe, I have an 18 year old living with me (my grandson - "to help me") who also spends time with his girlfriend and others more than me. My oldest granddaughter drops by randomly - usually after 10 pm - to "check to see if I need anything". I do have two dogs I walk at least twice a day - they do help me to meet people in the apartment complex!!

    Zoe - I'm glad you found the gym!! I went to the SS office yesterday and the nicest lady encouraged me so much - she was telling me about Zumba classes, line dancing and other activities at the rec center for little or no money.

    I have a hard time already with December - my dad and brother passed away during the holidays - so I am forcing myself to get out the decorations and deck out the apartment. It does help.

    Since my husband was so ill the last months of his life, he spent almost all of his time in our bedroom. I still only go into it to sleep at night and hang my clothes up.
    We watched TV, talked and ate in oour room. I just can't be in there for long yet. Still not really into eating, but find myself munching cookies, heating soup, or just heating a frozen dinner. Trying to stay focused on moving forward.

    Happy holidays to you all!
     
  14. Decorating the tree this morning. I don't really feel like it was going through the motions. I'd walk my dog but she's an 8 lb Tasmanian devil and isn't selective in who she likes to bite so I keep her at home so she can just bite family and friends the cats but she does keep me company at night although she growls all the time it makes it even harder to sleep haha
     
    LindaH likes this.
  15. Aching heart

    Aching heart New Member

     
  16. Aching heart

    Aching heart New Member

    I hear you. I lost my best friend , lover and soul mate 3 weeks ago. I walk around in a fog. My family is great . But they can never replace what is gone. I do have a lot of faith . But i still mourn and ache deeply.
     
  17. I feel for you sister I go to work everyday because he always said don't be sad go to work with a hard-working man I am just stymied for the loss of him it's been over four months and I don't know how to function either sorry about the lack of punctuation as I am talk texting this hugs you run your girlfriend we all need it
     
  18. SKE

    SKE New Member

    Today was a hard day, no particular reason, just found I was stressing out and feeling generally pissed off at everything. I get little actual resting sleep, I've pushed the poor dog off the bed several times lately. I feel like just screaming in frustration sometimes - I know Mark isn't suffering anymore, but I just miss him so terribly. I know the stress of the holidays isn't really helping - but went to dinner at my daughter's - her husband is a great cook and he made our favorite today. I too have faith that everything is in God's hands and He will take care of me, but sometimes I feel like I can't breathe I ache so badly for him. But, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I can be a little more upbeat tomorrow.