Loss of my dad

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Feeling alone, Feb 23, 2019.

  1. Feeling alone

    Feeling alone Member

    I lost my dad 8 days ago and the grief is unbearable. I'm a married adult with 3 grown sons and 7 grandchildren. I am so confused by the pain I feel- I'm so sad and struggling to get back into life.
    I feel awful, nothing seems to help and I can barely function. I want to move forward but I dont know how and my mom and sisters seemed to have moved on.
    I do so want to talk about my dad but have gotten such little support from my mom and sisters--they have all moved forward without me.
     
    RVN81 likes this.
  2. Rana

    Rana Member

    Tell me about your dad.
     
    ReneeLight, RVN81 and Feeling alone like this.
  3. Feeling alone

    Feeling alone Member

    Thank you for reaching out.
    My dad was a wonderful man; generous, thoughtful, caring and wise. He was also a mean alcoholic in my childhood home.
    I feel so guilty that I was never able to talk to him about how thankful I was for him getting sober. Our family rarely spoke of such things. I miss him terribly and just want to move forward.
     
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  4. Gayla

    Gayla New Member

    I have the same feelings. I lost my dad 16 days ago and I still can’t breathe. I can’t go out in public and don’t want to talk to anyone. Unbearable is the word I use to describe my grief as well. I want to move forward as well just can’t seem to function.
     
    RVN81 likes this.
  5. Feeling alone

    Feeling alone Member

    Thank you for sharing. Just know you are not alone.
    Everyone keeps telling me it will get better but I just think about him all the time and cry.
    Peace and love
     
    RVN81 likes this.
  6. RVN81

    RVN81 New Member

    My dad passed 7 days ago and I'm having such a hard time. We were by his side but it was sudden with only a few days notice to travel to see him in the icu. My daughters, his granddaughters, are young and adored him. He and i had our differences throughout life (he was an alcoholic too) but the last 4 years our relationship was much better due to him not drinking. Even tho my childhood was full of ups and downs (only child, divorced parents, addiction stuff with them) he provided sooo many great things for me. Christmases, trips, broadway plays, lots of nature and music. I found some stuff after he passed in jourmals saying he felt like a failure as a father and my photos were all over his appartment . I'm so deeply sad, i feel sick and wish i could get back time. My daughters will never get to play with him again (he was a very fun grandpa). I almost feel so much hurt and shock like i can't move or really cry anymore. Just in my head, reflecting.
     
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  7. middlechild

    middlechild Member

    i'm mostly just listening for now, but my dad died yesterday at the age of 93 and i feel like i know some of things that people here have expressed.

    i think it's a different kind of sad when the relationship you've lost is one that you rebuilt intentionally, as an adult. i can't speak to how it feels to lose a parent who's always been part of your life, because that's not how our story went.
     
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  8. RVN81

    RVN81 New Member

    Its so much to process. Our first memories, half of who we are made from.


    QUOTE="middlechild, post: 5782, member: 9364"]i'm mostly just listening for now, but my dad died yesterday at the age of 93 and i feel like i know some of things that people here have expressed.

    i think it's a different kind of sad when the relationship you've lost is one that you rebuilt intentionally, as an adult. i can't speak to how it feels to lose a parent who's always been part of your life, because that's not how our story went.[/QUOTE]
     
  9. Harmony

    Harmony New Member

    I lost my dad 7 days ago. My mom immediately started throwing out all his things. I feel like he is disappearing. Like he never really lived. My mom never wants to hear anything that isn't positive, so I feel like I can't express my grief around her. I know that I process emotion different from my family but it's making me feel more isolated when I thought we would go through this loss together. I miss my father terribly. It's hard to breathe. I was never going to be ready to let him go but here we are.

     
  10. RVN81

    RVN81 New Member

    I'm so sorry Harmony. Maybe its her way to stay busy with thoughts concerning him? I had to clean out my dad's apartment the day after (and evening before) he passed as i knew it was coming. Now I'm going thru 12 bins of papers, photos, momentos...I realized i dread when I'm done bc that's another finality. Its been a "dad project". Let alone reliving and really discovering who he was. He kept everything about me. It breaks my heart. I didn't know all these years.

    I understand the hard to breath moments. At this very second im ok, yet i was sobbing a lil while ago. Your head races with memories, gifts and holidays and pictures are everywhere...its so hard ton know how to arrange them in this new light, one of only memories. I cry looking around my daughter's room at all the fun things he's given her and they played with.
     
  11. Jane d

    Jane d Member

    So sorry to hear about he dad's. Just lost mine. Still very new. I kind of lost him when he went into the nursing home. I found a lovely picture of him. I liked the way we worked after we lost mam but he was likely and lost. I still feel sick knowing I have lost them and our dog. I know it takes time j
     
  12. middlechild

    middlechild Member

    i'm trying to figure out whether or not i can picture what that must be like. what stands out to me from your post is what great company he must have been, and if you're like me then you just plain miss him.

    i miss mine. it's really as simple as that today. i just put my sister onto her plane back to the other side of the world, and i just plain, straight up, straightforward MISS him. i want him back.

    and i'm going to punch the next person who says something to me along the lines of 'at least you had this past year and a half together'.
     
  13. Jane d

    Jane d Member

     
  14. Laine B

    Laine B New Member

    I too
     
  15. Laine B

    Laine B New Member

    I lost my dad in July after a 2 year battle with ALS. He was my hero and I still cry. My only solice is he isnt suffering anymore. I have had more heartbreaking loss this year than I know what to do with. The only thing we can do is wake up and each day find one small purpose Finding dots. Eventually after wondering around we find enough dots to have a connection. A pattern
     
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  16. Jane d

    Jane d Member

    Hi j here. It is hard but if y don't get support from the mam and sister seek out good friends that y can confidently in. I thought I got over my mams death .Very quickly bkut it hit me one day she was not coming back. Seek See out whatever support y need .it is not easy time and every one is different. X counseling is key too. X j
     
  17. Jane d

    Jane d Member

    I
     
  18. Jane d

    Jane d Member

    Hi j here. I had to sort out mams clothes as dad wanted me to do it .At the time I was so engrossed in getting through the grief of l ok sing mam . It was hell . Now there is no one in thse house. The dog died too. I can't believe in thee years they are gone. Everyone just forgets y especially if y are old and got dementia. J losing mam
     
  19. Renisea Avery

    Renisea Avery Member

    I want to give my condolence to the family. I am so sorry for the lost of your love one.
    May the peace of God that excels all thought I sustain and keep you during the difficult days head. – Philippians 4:7