Loss of my dad

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by hoogie10, Jun 10, 2020.

  1. hoogie10

    hoogie10 New Member


    I lost my father 2 months ago to metastatic brain cancer that developed from melanoma. He had 18 brain tumors and his 16 month battle with the disease was the hardest thing I have ever gone through until I experienced his death. I am only 29 and my sister is just 27. I feel like we are too young to be going through this loss. My father never got the chance to be a grandpa and he was just 2 years away from finally retiring from his job.

    This loss is making me question my relationship with my work. My father spent his whole life working and his life was cut short before he has the chance to enjoy his retirement years. My mom recently got a life insurance payment but she said the money is not worth anything now that my dad isn’t here to enjoy it with her.

    this post is just me rambling. I am in the beginning stages of grieving and my thoughts/emotions are all over the place.

    this loss is making me want to change my life but I know you aren’t supposed to make big decisions for a year after a loss. So does that mean I should be miserable every day until then? Should I start making changes now?
  2. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for you loss. Dont make any hasty decisions. Think about wat you want to do. Death is definitely a time to think things through. If the change you want to make is best you then do wats best. Make sure it going to beneficial to your life. With everything that's goin on this yr it makes you want to live life to the fullest. Life is short and we need to enjoy it.
  3. JesFiveHealth

    JesFiveHealth Member

    Sorry for your loss
    I lost my father too an the first few years are not easy there is a grief process I am going to become familiar with an work in
    I believe your right not to make any major decisions for the first year I also agree with you that life is short an enjoying life now is very important
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  4. Tiffanyb1229

    Tiffanyb1229 New Member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my father 1.5 years ago, and it is a profound loss that definitely changes your priorities all around.

    I think it depends on what the decision is and how big the life change it is. While yes lots of people are of the mind that you shouldn't make any dramatic decisions while you're newly grieving, I say it depends on what that change is. Should you go marry someone you've been dating for a month? Probably not. Should you quit a job that doesn't allow you to prioritize whatever it is you feel is most important following the loss of your dad? Maybe.

    Grieving is so unpredictable. But at the same time, a huge loss like that of a father also has a way of making you take an account of your life. I don't think that's a bad thing. Get some feedback from some who know the situation and know you well, and whose advice you trust. While no one should make this decision for you, it also doesn't hurt to get out of your own head and talk out your feelings, even if the only result is clarity for you. If you're not comfortable with that, you can always lay it out in more detail here and I'm sure many would weigh in.

    Good luck to you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. It isn't easy, even over a year later sometimes I have days as bad as I did in the very beginning when my dad died, but you get used to it and adapt and it gradually becomes less raw. Wishing you all the best!