Hi, new here. I'm a 24 year old female from Bismarck, North Dakota. On January 17 I got a call from one of my girl friends asking if I had heard what happened. I was then told, while at work, that my on and off boyfriend since December 6, 2018 had been found unresponsive in his apartment. He was being rushed to the emergency room. Three days later, I sat in a large lobby waiting room with his family and numerous friends of ours the entire day, waiting to hear the news from the EEG. I came out of the bathroom, his mom pulled me next to her as she was preparing to give everyone the final update. He was declared braindead. In that moment I swear you could feel every person's heart in that room crush. Two days later he was taken to the operating room to be taken off of life support and hopefully donate his organs. He died January 22, 2020 at 8:09 PM. His liver, both kidneys, and his corneas were able to be donated. I know it's what he would have wanted. To help others one last time. He had struggled with many things in life. A very rough childhood with a stepfather that had fallen victim to addiction. He lost his close cousin to a drunk driver when she was 16. Along with several close friends passing due to numerous reasons including substance abuse and freak medical conditions. He never properly dealt with any of the trauma in his life. He turned to drugs and alcohol to numb his depression and hide his anxiety. Despite battling his own demons, he was one of the most thoughtful and caring people I have ever met. Any one of his friends were more than welcome to stay at his place whenever they needed. He was many people's best friends. Always helping everyone but himself. Denied his substance abuse because he didn't want others to worry. Many of his family members seem to think he intentionally took the amount of drugs in order to kill himself. I think he was very very very sad and was taking drugs to numb everything...and without realizing what he was mixing and how much. I miss him every single day of my life. My entire life has changed. He was my person. My rock. My everything. I don't have many friends that I feel that I can truly rely on but he was. Every day I'm reminded of him. Every day is a struggle to keep living. I just wish my family and friends understood that there is such a huge gaping hole in my heart, my soul, and my life. I wish they knew how many times I cry myself to sleep. How many times I hold his blanket, sobbing, screaming into it because the pain is so overwhelming. I turned to a grief blog in hopes of finding someone to relate to. Someone who can recognize my pain and stand next to me with it. Maybe no one will read this and it's pointless. But I hope someone does and I hope they respond and we can be each others rocks. Because I miss mine more than anything in this world.