Ktzim07,
I am deeply saddened by the loss of your boyfriend. The picture of you both was one of a happy couple. That was a wonderful smile you both had.
The scene of every one of you waiting in the hospital for word is sorrowful. When I was in Okinawa in the service one of our friends was told his girlfriend has just been killed in a crash. It is a time when no one wishes to ever face, let alone help him face his loss, like you had to with his family.
Being an organ donor is the most giving thing a person will ever do.
This song by Lewis Capaldi depicts it
That moment you all were told is so sad. Of course you can feel them all and your sadness. It has torn your heart apart. It has taken the one you loved, just as much as the family. It is truly a tremendous moment that unless others have shared a loss similar they can't feel how crushing it is to you.
It is awful he never had the chance to deal with his losses in life. When I lost two friends in Vietnam, sure alcohol helped during those times I was not working, but it never truly helped me beyond their loss. Both losses were heartbreaking, and as I stood in a military ceremony on a basketball court for one of them, your senses are deadened to everything, You have no reason other than war and its' results, but there never will be any good reason for why, ever.
I know this loss has deeply affected you. There will never be any answers that ever be good enough. You can cry a river of tears. You can feel so bad each time you think of him. I wish I could take the awful pain you feel away, and allow you to remember all the beautiful times you shared with him.
Try to remember those moments you held one another. The moments you kissed. The special talks you had with each other. Sure we all have times that are hard to overcome, but please never give in to this despair. While it may seem so stupid for what has happened, it is you, and you alone that has to find a way to move forward with your life.
Whatever reason he passed does not matter anymore. It will serve no purpose to know.
Loss of any kind is hard to move beyond. There are no easy ways to accept what has happened. Of course we can feel your pain in your words. When you love someone and they are no longer with you, it is a period in each of our lives that is hard to ever accept.
Please know you are never alone. You need to talk with professionals - like a counselor, a psychiatrist, and even a priest. You also need to reach out to your family, his family, and your friends.
Lastly, talk with us, share anything you wish, and feel comfortable with it. Collectively we have seen loss through many lenses. There are people from all walks of life among us who may be able to offer you more comfort. But, please whatever you do, keep talking, keep sharing, and never allow yourself to give in to despair. Watch out for your well-being. I hope you will find some peaceful rest.
-david
This is a poem for you
Lindsey Stirling created this melody
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