Okay, I am so lost anymore. I am up and down. Moments where I am so numb I just get up, go to work, come home sleep. Then I'll lose it...absolutely be done. Just crying, anger, and sadness. I lost my two year old son, Matthew April 11, 2018 due to negligence of his grandparents (his fathers parents). My son was active, always going and loved the water. They has a 10ft deep man made pond 100ft from their front door. They weren't paying attention. I understand accidents happen, but when you go past the pond that is right there and go all the way over to your neighbors there is something wrong with your thought process. Now, I see him on the hospital bed with a women in her 20's straddled over his body trying to bring him back. He is all I ever wanted and now he is gone. What is there to live for when he isn't here and nothing truly makes me happy. I'm just going through motions now. I miss him so much.
I went through something similar where my sons grandparents left a poisonous substance under a couch(sofa)where he found it and consumed it.now his no more ,his birthday is coming up on the 2nd of April......
Jellybeans Mama, I am very sorry for your tremendous loss. I wish I could take away that pain of yours permanently. I also realize this has to weigh heavily on your mind most all of time. That burden takes a toll over you each day that you suffer. I hope that you are seeing professional counselors to help you cope with this loss. I know when you lose someone that means the world to you, it is as if time is no more. Nothing no longer matters, and we tend to not care about ourselves or anyone else. Thoughts like these are grief talking. Grief is a horrible thing. If not faced it can be unforgiven. I just hope that you will keep opening up your heart, and keep reaching out to all those who will listen. There isn’t a right or wrong, time, way to express yourself, especially showing your love for the one you cherished so much. While, your son may no longer be with you in physical form, he is with you every moment forward in your life, in your mind, in your heart, in your soul, and in your spirit. He left you all those wonderful memories you had with him in life. I know it is awful to accept loss. Just know, you are among those who have lost, many-many loved ones. We have cried, we have had heartaches, many sleepless nights, and a weight on our chest that seems so heavy. Please take all the time you now need to talk, to cry, to reach out, and most of all, think of your own well-being. Please don’t surrender to despair and give up, take your time as slowly as you need. -david
