It’s been a year and a half since I loss my mom to metastatic breast cancer. I go long periods of feeling okay. Well, as okay as I will ever be. But, tonight I’m drowning. My mom was my best friend. I never went more than a couple hours without talking to her and I was 26 when she passed. My mom was the kind of person you could talk to about anything or nothing at all. I know that I was blessed to have her as long as I did but I feel so empty, so scared without her. There’s so many things I wish I could’ve said or would’ve said. I was and am still so ashamed of myself. She was the one that was sick and no matter how hard I tried to be strong I just couldn’t hold it together. I just feel so alone. I have an amazing family. But, my father passed when I was 16 and my mom and grandma within 3 months of each other in 2018. I’m just so scared that I’ll never be able to truly be better. Better to where I don’t have to rush into the restroom to cry so my kids don’t hear. Better to where I don’t have crippling anxiety. I just want to feel normal again.