Loss of mom after 2.5 years of caregiving

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by LovesFrance, May 10, 2020.

  1. LovesFrance

    LovesFrance New Member

    Hi.
    My mom hid her breast cancer from everyone for at least 3 years. When we finally learned of it, it was very advanced and had spread to her skin as a horrible, huge fungating wound that needed daily wound care. She wanted no treatment and received none. She lived next door to me, so I was the primary caregiver. We took care of her for more than 2 1/2 years. In April, she began to decline and was put on hospice. The last 10 days of her life were traumatic and dramatic and filled with horror and pain. She died on April 29. She fought until the last breath.

    I am, naturally, devastated and traumatized. One thing that really shocks me, though, is how physically ill I am. I am constantly nauseated, sometimes dizzy, weak and exhausted. Has anyone else felt such physical symptoms?
     
  2. JoNas

    JoNas Member

    Yes. Losing my beloved Mother, and as her caregiver is heartbreaking.
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    LovesFrance,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. It’s sad she decided to hide her cancer and suffering. But you stepped in and showed her love and compassion, by being her caregiver. That’s a difficult job. Your loss is so recent, let the tears fall, and reach out to family and friends in any way you can.
    I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack, that took my soul mate from me in 2 hours! I went into shock, never saw this coming, he was healthy.
    I will share with you that yes, I felt all you mention and this week will be 1 1/2 years and I sometimes still feel nauseated, can’t eat, I have dizzy spells, I’ve experienced all you mention. Our bodies are in such pain after losing a loved one, we go into a state of shock. I started forcing myself to drink waster. Nothing really helped, I needed time. This is a long slow process. I’ll share also that I have such a lack of motivation. No desire to do anything.
    Our mind and body don’t know how to deal with such a loss so things go haywire. Grieving and mourning , take a lot of energy out of us, it’s draining.
    Your Mom sounds like strong woman, she fought til the end.
    Share and read others stories, it helps to know you’re not alone. This site is full of people who understand the pain you feel.
    Hugs! Take care,
    Robin