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Loss of husband from cancer June 9 2017 .. this is so hard

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Frances, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. Frances

    Frances New Member

    My husband I been together 18 years and he died of liver cancer June 9 2017 I miss him a lot how do u except this
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Frances, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not sure that there is any way that we ever fully accept the reality and finality of loss. For most people I think all they are able to do is to learn how to live without their loved one here. But it's not easy. Mostly because this is a change we never wanted and never would have asked for. For 18 years you lived a life that had your husband in it, how to suddenly know how to be without him? Please be patient with yourself. I'm glad to see you are reaching out for help and hope the grievers here can be a help as you connect with those who really do understand. Sometimes that's all we have - other people who may be able to help get us through. If you have any questions about the site, please don't hesitate to ask. And please take care~
     
  3. Frances

    Frances New Member

    Thank u.. I know it is so hard to go on but u know I need to I would to know how to do all this and handle all this I sit and cry and I know it is time to go back to work
     
  4. MJ Tan

    MJ Tan New Member

     
  5. MJ Tan

    MJ Tan New Member

    I lost my husband in Feb. This year. I feel very painful and cry so much every day!
     
  6. Frances

    Frances New Member

    I am sorry to and everyone tells me gets better in time ,I do fill pain and I always wish something better I could of done
     
  7. Huggerrn

    Huggerrn New Member

    I also lost the love of my life after 23 years of marriage. I recently went back to work which makes me more depressed. I also cry because I know he won’t be waiting for me when I get home. I can’t seem to talk to anyone without becoming an emotional wreck. I don’t want to be a downer to my friends but right now I can’t do things with them. You see, I took fmla for 6 weeks to care for him. He didn’t want to go to the hospice house but I had to send him. His brain cancer and lung cancer took over. He passed 2 days later.
     
  8. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member

    I lost my husband of 17 years in October of 2017, one month after our anniversary. I have been told numerous times that it will get easier and that the pain will lessen but, for me I have not found it easier I find it is harder each day. Its like I am braking the habit of having him in my life with me in all things. I still find myself calling out to him asking questions. I do not know if it will ever get easier to deal with the pain. I am so mad still I don't even know when that will end. He was terminally ill but the way that he went it was not suppose to happen that way and I am angry that it did. I don't have anybody to share my thoughts and feelings with and that is so hard.
     
    Carolyn24 likes this.
  9. Scoutpete

    Scoutpete Member

    I understand and I pretend that it's getting easier to others because that's what they want to hear, want from me and for me. Those that have not experienced this think that time helps, therefore I should be getting "better." I do know that I will have the pain of losing my husband in my heart and soul forever.
     
  10. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member

    I truly would not wish this on anyone and, I guess I have joined a club that I never wanted to be part of but, am glad that I am with people that understand the pain and grief that I have. I know that it is hard for people to understand and get where I am mentally and, I know that they all "mean well" it's just they don't get it and never can understand what it is like to have all that gone and there's no ever getting it back and I am literally picking up pieces of my life and trying to just get through the days.
     
  11. Carolyn24

    Carolyn24 Guest

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Those words sound so empty but what else can we say. I can say I know how you feel. I lost my husband of 37 years, 8 months ago and I too still cry on my way home for the same reasons. He died from a car accident he never woke up from. His body survived for 5 days before I had to decide to disconnect the machines. We had not talked about final arrangements so I had to make all the decisions without knowing if I was doing what he would have wanted.
    Mostly what i read or am told is it will take a long time. I will always feel the pain but eventually it will lessen some. So for now I take each day as it comes. I feel i've begun a very long journey I wish I weren't on, and I do find some small comfort here finding there are others who understand and share many of the same feelings.
     
  12. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member

    I am so sorry for you're loss I truly am and, I also find comfort here being able to read and, share my own story. I at least had talked with my husband about things in the "event" but, that does not make it any easier I find it so hard listening to music because it was such a big part of our life. I miss him just coming up and dancing with me for no reason at all. I miss everything about him really and, there is nothing that can fill that void in my life now. I have listened to all the suggestions and, none of them help me at all. There is not a certain time that is worse for me because we shared all day together. I told him everything all day if I had something to share it was to him.
     
  13. Carolyn24

    Carolyn24 Guest

    I so totally understand this. I have 2 grown children who are dealing with the death of their dad and are getting along fairly well. I lost both of my parents several years ago and while that was difficult, I had a very full life to continue and always understood that was the natural course of things. I don't want to burden my children with my emotions, and I really have no close friends near by to talk to. I know their are support groups out there but I don't see me fitting in to one of those. So my thoughts and feelings are kind of bottled up inside.
    I understand sharing all day together also. We had run a small business together so we were always together. So much, I would sometime wish I could get some time alone.
    Now time alone is all I have.
     
  14. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member


    I totally understand what you said "you wished for some alone time" I beat myself up about that a lot now. I was his caretaker for years and I wished for some alone time some me time and, now that he is gone I totally feel guilt about it and pray that I could of had more time with him I mean he was active up until the weekend before his death and that part kills me too. I feel like I was robbed like it was not his time to go. I don't have any friends close to me either and, nobody can understand what I am going through anyway. The friends and family that I do have around are all still whole they have not felt this kind of pain or being totally alone like me and, I know they mean well but, I don't have the flu or something it is not something I can just get over. I don't want to be unkind or anything but, unless someone has gone through this they can't get it
     
  15. carla jo

    carla jo New Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss , I lost my husband of 22 years from cancer that was in his stomach , lungs ,kidney , and brain , so I know what your going through , I'm so mad at the loss of him that it is tearing me apart ,
     
  16. Agm52

    Agm52 Member

     
  17. Agm52

    Agm52 Member

    I lost my husband of 26 years to cancer after being diagnosed in May. And he passed away July 2. Just a month ago..
    I can't believe how the passing of my husband made me such a completely different person. I used to be my husband's encourager and cheerleader. We promised that we would fight this together. And we did. But I saw how cancer ravaged my husband's body. He fought to the end, but his body just gave up. He lost 30 lbs in 3 months.
    We had beautiful memories, but I can't even go there... I just miss his laughter, his loving and caring ways, and how at the end of the day, we'd talk endlessly how our day went.
    I'm a person of faith, but I can't believe how this loss made me question the truth and the promises of my Heavenly Father..
    I'm just so broken, that the pain is just unbearable.
     
  18. McKenzie

    McKenzie New Member

    I am a new member and reading all your responses let's me know that I am not alone feeling helpless. I lost my husband to cancer almost 1 year ago. We had been together more than 50 years. It was a huge adjustment to suddenly be living by myself for the first time. I still get "afraid" sometimes when i think of my future. I have grown children that i talk to a little but dont want to burden them as they are grieving the loss of their father. I have lost both my parents and my best friend but i do reach out to my sister. For me, the best hope i can give you all is that the pain of my sorrow and grief has not lessened but the episodes of despair have been further apart as time goes on. I often wonder if the pain will ever go away but I dont think so.
    I will be looking forward to reading about how others feel and knowinging I'm not alone
     
  19. Jeff123

    Jeff123 Member

    I am sorry for your loss, I lost my wife suddenly in seconds I dont know what to tell you I live one day at a time!
     
  20. baba225

    baba225 New Member