Hello. Last year, Thanksgiving 2019, i lost my father after he suffered for over 5 years stage 4 colon cancer. I also lost my grandfather the Christmas before that. My father was very abusive to me when I was growing up until the age of ten. We never had a good relationship even though I wish we did... I am feeling so alone. I have been outcasted by my immediate family and was even assaulted by one resulting in 3 knee surgeries.. i am engaged and have 4 children. My sig other says things like "dont do that to yourself" when I start to show my feelings. He also said the i needed to grow a pair and deal with my family and said it hate fully... I do not understand why he does these things. I hurt so bad and would like some advice on how to grieve... thank you for your time..
Heather, Losing a grandparent is terrible. Then to later lose a parent is heartbreaking, even if we wish our relationship with them would have been better. Having trouble with family is awful. With children it is too hard to keep peace within your heart and to still keep a level head to guide them in life. It takes time to sometimes face all the pain we face in life. When family is not supportive, you have to first find a way to take control of your own life. Sometimes in order to heal, we need to make sure we find an inner peace in ourselves before we can ever face others who might be destructive to your well being. I hope the one who you are engaged with also realizes the turmoil you are dealing with. Your children need you, they are so vulnerable to words, to our actions, and everything they witness in life. Children keep so much hurt deep inside them. I am not sure you believe in God, but if you do, this is a time you need that faith to help you deal with life. Your situation is one that can use the guidance of others. I hope you will be honest with your fiance. Sometimes life doesn’t come easy, we each have to find a way forward, even in a bad atmosphere. It is ok to feel, it ok to cry, it is ok to not know how to make life easier. Please talk with a priest, and ask for some help and guidance. Your mindset is too important to not face these problems. Also, if you can talk with a counsellor it could help you. Your life hasn’t been easy. You also need to open up to those who will actually listen without criticizing you, those are the ones who truly listen. It takes time to get beyond sorrow, there are no easy answers. Please don’t ever give in to despair, and above all else never give up, life is too important, as are your children. Talk with who you can and don’t ever stop until you start to find some relief from your feelings. -david This is a song for you
