Loss no one understood.

I lost my world 85 days from now to a road accident.It was so sudden that I didnot even realise when and how did it all happen.I was never able to abosrb it fully and I still cannot.He was the love of my life but Due to some fights we had taken a break for sometime and in the meanwhile my world flipped.There’s always that guilt eating me alive that I didnot tell him how much I loved him for the last time.Nor did I tell him how much he mattered to me.I was hoping that things would be okay after this break but fate had something else in store for me.People thought we had broken up so I got no support from the surroundings.Everyone wanted me to moveon.It kills me to go to the same college and not see him there.Life has lost its meaning.

 

I can understand the guilt. I think it is very common. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time.

 

Dear heart.
I can't even begin to imagine what that terrible event caused you in grief, disbelief, shock, and feelings of guilt. How dare anyone tell you to "move on". What does that even mean? You are devastated of course and probably still numb?
I am sure your feelings are even more complicated because you had a "stormy" relationship? and you were not able to have any last words.
Have you seen a grief counselor or found a grief support group? These have helped me very much. Even a very sympathetic friend who will Listen would be a very good help.
Grief does take time, time, time. The pain does lessen. Give yourself some love and care as best you can one day at a time. I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

There are two things I don't seem to be able to handle. One is that I didn't get to say goodbye to the love of my life. All of our dreams and plans of being married will never come true. How do you move on from that? And how do you ever move on from missing them? No one knew me like he did, he was my best friend, he was my past and my future and now....... gone.

 

Hi Joee,
Oh my goodness! I am so very sorry that you didn't get to say goodby. My counselor asked me to write a letter to my husband and write everything I wanted to say to him and then perhaps go to his grave and read it? Would that be possible?
I think you will accept somehow in small ways that your plans of marriage with him are gone. I have to deal with the same thing. I was certainly not planning on being a caregiver to my dear one for 7 years. I took it one day at a time and when it was bedtime and I still had my sanity and my health I thanked God and took Tylenol pm so that I could get good rest and face the next day and start all over.
My husband was also my very best friend in the world. He knew me better than anyone else.
I have been thinking lately that no one loves me now like he did. Even the family I have right here don't!. Then an inner voice speaks to me and says, "God loves you". This is a profound thought and I am trying to take it in as to what this means. I am coming to believe that I am and always will be watched over, loved and taken care of IF IF IF I trust in the process. Surrendering your will can be daunting and it means, I think, giving up the power to control. When I get anxious or upset I say to myself. "Trust in God". That seems to calm me down and put things in perspective.
Little by little I believe that you will be able to accept "what is" even if it's only one minute at a time to start. Accept your grief but keep on living each day as best you can.

 

The thing that is so hard is that he had a stroke with what seemed like no warning and died all within 24 hours. I still can't believe he is gone. He was my first boyfriend at 16 yrs old. We went separate ways for most of our lives until recently. When we found each other it was so easy to fall in love with him. He loved me his whole life and I never knew it.
There is a song that has helped me. It's called Thy Will Be Done. I can only listen to it at home cuz I cry my eyes out. Without God I would be nothing. I thank Him that I can even function. I'm raising my young grandson and I have a big family that looks up to me. I hide my real feelings but my pillow and my Savior know my tears that are shed every night. Thank you for reaching out Sara. It helps.

 

Hi Joee,
No wonder that you are so heartbroken. Finding your dear one again after all those years only to have him die suddenly is such a shock! Were you able to attend his service? Do you know him family?
What a challenge it must be to be raising your grandson while you are grieving. And I understand about hiding feelings from family. I ,to , put on a brave front but grieve in private. Why do we do this, I wonder? I think part of the reason is that people are expected to "get over it" quickly in our society and it just doesn't work that way. We have to grieve no matter how long it takes. Tears are good! They are cleansing. And I believe asking God to help us is a very good thing.
You must be functioning pretty well to be able to care for your grandson. Bless your heart! I hope you are taking good care of you to. I try not to overcommit and get as much rest as I can. Are you in a grief support group? Do you have somebody that you can talk to who understands?

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the feeling, my boyfriend died suddenly 3 weeks ago, we were fighting at the time. The last time I saw him he was mad at me and left and I didn't kiss him goodbye, he slept at his parents house and passed away in his sleep due to sleep apnea. We were off and on (mostly on) but I have the same feeling of people not taking my grief seriously. I feel like I have no future, my future was with him, whether we were fighting or not. Just remember that your grief is your own, and your relationship with him was your own and no one can take that from you, and no one else was in that relationship besides you two, so grieve as much as you want.