Loss my spouse (2 months ago).

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by TANGIA MCCRAY, Nov 10, 2017.

  1. TANGIA MCCRAY

    TANGIA MCCRAY New Member

    I loss my husband 2 months ago to a year long battle with colon/liver cancer. (Stage 4). My hope was that he would be here longer with me, but God had other plans. I never imagine life without him. He fought so hard until the end. I believe that he was fighting for me. I told him that I would be ok, but actually I knew it would be a struggle without him. I held on to him as long as I could, until God said it was time to release him, and let him rest. My whole world has changed. I feel so empty, and alone inside. I try my best to just remember the good times when the tears begin to flow out of control. I still have trouble sleeping a full night, because my mind is constantly on him. I do have faith and believe that the pain will ease, but the void will be forever felt, because he was a part of me. For now, i will continue to try and do my best to cope. It is encouraging to know that im not alone on this healing journey. Just want everyone that have loss a spouse, to be encourage, and hang in there, we will make it through this.
     
  2. You are not alone, Tangia......I lost my wife 4 months ago to BC after a 3-year fight at only 52. It's devastating, to say the least. Death of a spouse is at the top of the list as far as grieving goes, the very top. We will all get through this together. Peace.~
     
  3. TANGIA MCCRAY

    TANGIA MCCRAY New Member

    Thank you Charles, for the encouraging word. I agree, we are going to get through this together. The road ahead will get a little easier to bear. We will hold them forever in our hearts, and memories always.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. You're most welcome. Blessings.
     
    griefic likes this.
  5. Brenda Mitchell

    Brenda Mitchell New Member

    I lost my husband 2 years ago to liver disease and kidney failure. It was so hard to see his 5 Year fight come to an end but it has been so much harder learning to live without him. I take it one day at a time and to be honest, some days are a struggle. It is so helpful to know I am not alone!
     
  6. So sorry for your loss Brenda. This is an incredibly difficult thing to go through, probably about as sad as it will ever get in our human experience. 7 months now since I lost Carrie, and the pain is still very surreal. It will always be there to a degree of course, it has to be. But I know my wife would want me to carry on and at least attempt to enjoy whatever years I have left on this planet. I would want the same for her had the situation been reversed, no question. My condolences to you of course, and no, you are not alone. There are many of us out here going through and trying to deal with it the best we can. Peace to you!~
     
  7. Brenda Mitchell

    Brenda Mitchell New Member

    So sorry for your loss and thank you for your words of encouragement!
     
  8. Maddy

    Maddy Member

     
  9. Maddy

    Maddy Member

    Charles, you seem to have a optimistic grip on your tragic loss. I lost my husband two months ago to an intracranial bleed. This thing came out of nowhere, and my pain is incredible. I don’t feel like a whole person right now. Like a spoiled child, I want my life back, I want HIM back. He was amazing and perfect in every way, and our life was fabulous. I keep telling myself, like you, he would not want to see me so sad, that it would pain him to see me, altho I do believe he can. I start each day with intense yearning until I roll along into profound despair. But I know, the best thing any of us can do is to just keep going. Best to all of you.
     
  10. Phillygirl

    Phillygirl Member

    I just lost my husband on April 13 from pancreatic cancer that had spread very quickly. Took him to ER on a Tuesday morning and by Friday night he was gone. Just like that my world was turned upside down. No one saw this coming. We were together for 41 years, married for 38 of those years and I just feel so lost without him. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and cry. I'm seeing a bereavement counselor which helps but it doesn't take away the pain. I ask myself how am I ever going to live my life without him. It's so hard but I am trying to go on one day at a time.
     
  11. LEBELY

    LEBELY New Member

    I lost my husband 2 1/'2 months ago. He passed away from Pancreatic/Liver Cancer. The found it last August with just a routine blood test, and 7 months later he was gone. The expression heart broken now has a new meaning. I always thought I would go first. He was so strong and did so well, til,....... I am so lucky to have a wonderful network of friends and family, but unless you have lost a spouse you can't understand. It is a terrible roller coaster that I wish I could get off. After two months, I had a peak in my emotions, and I felt like I lost him last night. He was my best friend and my heart....the love of my life. This type of cancer is so sneaky and just attacks even if you are healthy. I am trying so hard, but I would be happy to stay home for the next few months with my pets, who are grieving too!
     
  12. Phillygirl

    Phillygirl Member

    I feel exactly the way you do. My husband's cancer never got picked up in his blood tests. It had spread to his liver and one of his lungs so fast. I've been on an emotional roller coaster for these past 2 months. I just try to keep busy and go on. It's hard though. Having supportive family and friends helps but being in the house alone is hard, especially at night and when I wake up in the morning. Know that you are not alone and that others feel the way you do. This grieving process is a long hard journey but we will get through it.
     
    griefic likes this.
  13. LEBELY

    LEBELY New Member

    Phillygirl thank you. I went to a therapist yesterday since I felt I needed someone on the outside to talk to. It is hard to believe and I think the quickness of the progress of cancer was one of the hardest things to handle. I am looking for a grief group in the area to help get through this. I am very lucky with friends that are open and welcoming when I do need to talk. Take care of yourself.
     
    griefic likes this.
  14. Phillygirl

    Phillygirl Member

    I'm so glad you are seeking counseling. I have been seeing a bereavement counselor for the past month and find it very helpful. Take care of yourself as well. It's a tough journey we're on but I believe we will come through it all. Just will take take.
     
  15. Phillygirl

    Phillygirl Member

     
  16. Delphi

    Delphi New Member

    My husband died one month ago today. It was very sudden , 3 days after knee replacement , sudden cardiac death they called it
    I’ve seen a therapist last week that helped quite a bit. I did start journaling on the weekend and while it does make me cry it also makes me feel better. I’m basically writing letters to him xo
     
  17. Phillygirl

    Phillygirl Member

    Delphi, so sorry for your loss. The first couple of months are the hardest but you will get through it. It's going on 4 months for me since I lost my husband and I can't believe how fast the time went even though each day felt like an eternity. It's still hard because I miss him so much but I'm discovering I am getting through this. I have my routine and I keep busy. You will find your way too. Please believe that. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.
     
  18. Laney55

    Laney55 Member

    Tangia, I’m going through the same thing. I just lost my husband of 19 years after a 1 year battle with stage 4 colon cancer. I miss him so much. He was fighting so hard, and we had hope for quite a bit more time, then he had a catestrophic complication happen and he was gone. He was my everything!
     
  19. TANGIA MCCRAY

    TANGIA MCCRAY New Member

    Hi Laney

    You have my deepest sympathy. I feel your pain. September 6, will make a year. They say the pain ease over time, but right now, the pain is still here with me. Trust me, I understand, and you are not alone in your journey of grief. My husband also fought hard, he didn’t want to leave me, but the cancer battle was just to hard to fight. Lord knows I miss him, still cry just about every day. I know that now he’s pain free, and resting in God’s care. Now I will continue to hold on to all the wonderful memories, and continue to honor his memory by fighting against colon cancer, and all other cancer disease that attack our love ones. Please know again, you are not alone. We will make it through this together. Always remember, that your husband may not be here physically, but he will always be with you in spirit. Just when you least expect you will see a sign to let you know he’s near, smiling down on you. Please take care.
     
  20. Laney55

    Laney55 Member

    Tangia, Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry for your loss too....