I should have done something more, I should have called him that day...the what ifs are going through my mind over and over. My heart hurts. I cry every day. I can not sleep, barely eat. Why didn't I call him more? (I talked to him a few days before he passed). My Dad was only 71 and he coukd have lived longer. But he was an alcoholic and had health problems as a result of his drinking. He developed diabetes from alcohol ism the past few years. He stopped taking care if himself and taking his insulin injections as he no longer wanted to live. There is more...but I am here reaching out...I am grieving, angry, sad, guilty, hurt, devastated, and lost. It feels like a bad dream, it must not be real. And there us this thought...I can't explain it...but I thought I'd always see him again and I never got to say good-bye. I don't ever want him to fade from the here and now, the living. I want to turn back time, but I can not. I want to stop time so the distance of him living to the future stops...if that makes sense.