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loss can still be "sudden" even if preceded by illness

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by ES70, Feb 20, 2019.

  1. Astara

    Astara New Member

    Hi, Yes. I just lost a good friend. It feels sudden and shocking, even though she was sick. She just died four days ago, 6 weeks after her diagnosis. NOBODY, including her, expected it to be this quick. I was just texting her a few days before (and she me, completely coherent), and I had called and left a message 3 days before she passed. I was going to go visit her next month. She didn't make it. Sadly, and shockingly, I found out on facebook. Everyone is so shocked and heartbroken. I am heartbroken and lost.
     
    Birdbits likes this.
  2. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Hello Astara,
    Yes sometimes this stuff hits
    quick, believe me I know.
    I guess and don' t want to
    seem unkind but that she
    did not suffer much if at
    all. She would have suffered
    more in a nursing home, not
    being able to do as she
    wanted.
    Be glad for the good times
    you had together.
     
    Birdbits likes this.
  3. lkea

    lkea New Member

    Yes - I can relate! My partner and I got back together after 20 years apart after he was diagnosed with a chronic, terminal lung disease. We spent the last three years of his life knowing that I would outlive him. The last three months of his life we worked hard to get him on the lung transplant list. We had so much hope. The last week of his life he was at the top of the list and we were sure he would get those lungs and we'd eventually be going home together. But his lungs were too far gone and he died very suddenly. Even though I was in the room, we didn't have a chance to say goodbye. That was December 29th, 2018. We were so happy together. I was so looking forward to a lot more time with him, to make up for some of those years apart.


     
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  4. Birdbits

    Birdbits New Member

    I am so sorry for the loss you are all feeling. I lost my husband in December 2018 and although he had been sick and in and out of hospitals for well over a year I was not able to accept his death as a possibility at all. He had a cyst on his pancreas which turned out to be way more complicated than we were first told. It ended up in several organs being removed, infection, and eventually cancer. But not one of the many surgeons, or disease control specialists that performed surgeries or procedures ever mentioned cancer. On the contrary, they all commented that the only good part of the whole situation was that no cancer was found. Then the night before he had a major stroke we ended up in the emergency room of the local hospital where they did a scan and found his whole insides riddled with cancer. How could that be , I questioned. But I have yet to find an answer. And because of the cancer that E.R. Doctor overlooked the signs of the beginning of his stroke, and sent him home to die basically. He was already disoriented and having pain and numbness in his left arm. I was not prepared for his death even though he told me several times he felt sure he was not going to get better and was going to die. I naively denied that possibility and pushed him to be positive . Now I have to find a way to live with myself knowing I didn't know how serious the situation was, or see it from his point of view. So although I was there with him every second of every day, thinking I was doing everything I could to make him better, I wasn't and he was going through it alone because I just didn't understand. We we're married for 37 years and I am totally lost without him. Everday I cry too. But what keeps me going is my son and grandsons who still need me. I am physically ill on a daily basis due to the emotional and mental toll it is taking on my body but I know that it will get better because I lost my mom to Alzheimer's 8 years ago after being her sole caregiver for 6 years and it devestated me. Some times it seems like I lost her yesterday, but not near as often as it used to be. Time does heal but everyone and every situation is different. We have to have faith and be strong until the darkness eventually brightens again. :)